Sizzler and Hometown Buffet

Tonight Jesse, Aaron and I went on a date. To Pizza Ranch. For my California friends and family, Pizza Ranch is a pizza buffet. It's like Soup Plantation, but instead of soups, it's just a bunch of pizza and also some additional fried foods. I had a bread stick, a pepperoni slice, a combo slice, a BBQ chicken slice, a few greasy chips, a couple different kinds of fries, and Jesse and I shared some dessert slices. Don't worry, I put some lettuce on my plate a couple times too. That sounds like I ate too much. I didn't. They were small slices and I wasn't even really full when we were leaving. I probably could've had more but I think I hit my carb and grease limit so I called it quits.

I really love buffets. I'm not very good at them, or I'm VERY good at them, it depends on your perspective. I love food and I love not having to wait for it and I love not having to commit to one choice for a meal, so buffets are sometimes perfect.

When we were growing up, if we went to a restaurant it was one of these four: Sizzler, Hometown Buffet, Denny's, or IHOP, but I always wanted to go to Sizzler or Hometown.

Sizzler had a great salad bar with a whole side of it that had other not-salad things like a build your own taco section and spaghetti and there was soft serve. What else could an eight year old want? One pitfall was that the whip cream and the sour cream were really close together, and they weren't easily distinguishable. There were a few gross tacos and some really nasty jello with sour cream on it. Jello is pretty gross on it's own already, so I'm not really sure it was the sour cream's fault if it tasted gross, but it didn't help. Sizzler also gave you cheesy toast. I just want you to know that as I'm recalling the Sizzler, it's magical and special and delicious in my head. I know that it's a chain restaurant with okay food and a salad bar, but eight year old me believes it's so much more.

Hometown Buffet was also pretty good. My memory of it isn't quite as magical, but still a little magical. There was a build your own taco bar, but it wasn't quite as good as Sizzler's. It had rotating main course meals, which was good and bad. It lacked the constancy of Sizzler's, but if we went on a night with pasta or even more Mexican food than just the taco bar, it was the best. All that aside, the reason we went to Hometown Buffet is the dessert section. They had so many desserts. Cake, brownies, some kind of bar, and soft serve with like ten different toppings. There was no shame in getting all the desserts, and again eight year old me thought this was the best thing that could happen.

You know, this seems like an abrupt ending. But, I already wrote 4-5 paragraphs about some buffets and there really isn't much more you can say about that.




  

I don't want to watch myself watch tv

Sometimes people talk about how when you die, you get to watch your life flash before your eyes. I'm not sure this is something that actually happens, and I won't be able to say for sure if it is until I come to the end of my life. Here's what I do know, if it's true, I don't want to watch myself watch tv. Or look at my phone. Or other boring things like that. Sure there's a lot going on in some of the shows I like to watch, and you can connect well to people online, but there's no substitute for real people and doing real things. If I have to watch myself binge watching netflix, that will be a pretty boring life to watch. I try to think about that when I'm binge watching netflix.

If you could watch your life, would you be bored by what you saw? If so, maybe go do something else. Maybe even do something kind of brave.

Here's a good Donald Miller quote: "Right before you die, you'll realize your whole life was about loving people. And you watched too much television."

Millennials

We talked about millennials for a little bit during our Wednesday Lent bible study/ service that we're doing, so today seemed like a good day to say a word or two about them. Not really them, more like us. I'm one of them. That's mostly what I want to say about Millennials, that I'm one of them. I was born in 1986. I'll be 31 in October. The oldest millennials will be turning 36 this year I think. I know that might seem very young to some, but I think it's pretty solidly adult. I get there isn't an official end year to the millennials (at least that I know of), so there's a wide age range, but I don't get the sense that when older generations talk about the millennials that they're imagining people in their 30s. The Millennials seem to have been immortalized somewhere between 16 and 22 (is immortalized the right word?). I just want to remind people that some of us are parents and are getting gray hair and definitely did have cassettes and know what life was like without cell phones.

Internet Trolls' Gift

Internet trolls are the worst. They spend the day posting rude comments, usually with a lot of spelling errors. And they like to keep the caps lock on so you can read them yelling. They like to push people's buttons and get them all defensive and upset. They're the worst worst in the comments section of political posts. But let me tell you one thing they are very good at: coming up with clever insult-like nick names for our presidents. The favorite for Obama I think was Obummer and I'm not quite sure what the favorite for Trump is yet, but I'm thinking it's just Orange. I've also seen Cheeto used a few times. We all have different gifts.

Be

It's another writing a post from my bed on my phone nights. My baby is currently "talking" to the pictures on the wall from his little bed and periodically spitting out his pacifier so that I can put it back in his mouth.

Life is really good these days. Its somehow more busy and less busy at the same time. It's the end of the day and I'm not  quite sure how we got there. I have a million things I want to do and I didn't really do any of them. These are most of my days now. It's good and challenging.

My sis has a tattoo that says "be". I think what it means to her is to find joy in simply being her. You don't have to be something you're not or constantly doing things to find meaning. Just be. That's what I think she thinks, so you'd have to ask her close I was to getting it. If I was, that's a good lesson for these days. I keep trying to do so many things and I time runs out and I can't. Just be-ing sounds really good. And healthy. And wise. Thanks sis for the wisdom on your arm.

And I already fell asleep, 3 times now. I'm going to just BE asleep. 💜

I hate facebook

Listen, Facebook, it's not your fault. It's not really you that I hate, but there are a few things that I don't really like that are (partially) because of you:

1. My addiction to mindless scrolling. Sometimes I don't even think I'm reading what people post, I'm just scrolling. I guess it's soothing?
2. How much time I waste not doing things because I seem to think I need to check Facebook. What do I think will have changed in 5 minutes time? No idea.  
3. Getting sucked into the excitement of seeing how many likes I have for something I've posted. I want to make fun of people who are all about the likes, but let's be real, it makes me feel good when people think I'm funny or support something I'm doing, etc.
4. Seeing people that I like that I don't live close to anymore doing fun things without me.
5. That it's become the news, but filtered through my friends' views. 
6. Political memes.
7. The comment sections on most news posts- why are people so cruel?
8.  Probably the thing that I struggle with the most is getting glimpses of people's political views or opinions on social issues (which are sometimes surprising or disappointing) but not really being invited in thoughtful conversations about why they think the way they do. I would prefer to have a real life conversation with someone that I trust enough to disagree with and learn from, but facebook feels more like I've walked up to a group of people- some that I know and some I don't- and force my way into a conversation where I'm bound to be misunderstood or I'm bound to misunderstand someone else. Plus, it's hard to have much empathy for each other when we're reading verses having a real conversation. 
9. When I scroll over a video in the middle of the night and accidentally click on it with the sound on.
10. The creepy marketing on the side that's specifically targeted just to me.
11.   When the chat feature turns back on, even though I've turned it off. I don't like when people know I'm on facebook. 

Well, I don't want to be a Negative Nelly, so here are a few things that I DO really like:

1. Getting to connect to friends from a million different places.
2. Networking.
3. Sharing pictures with each other.
4. Having a place where pictures and memories are saved from the last ten years.
5. Getting to support people in their life accomplishments and getting supported in mine.
6. Staying up to date with people I don't get to talk to as often.
7. Recipe videos, especially the ones that are really elaborate desserts.
8. Thoughtful articles that help me learn or give me words to describe my thoughts.
9. Friends' baby and puppy pictures.
10. BFF group messenger threads.
11. Funny things.
12. Being able to invite people to a party pretty easy.
13. The "on this day" feature- I love memories and I'm always nostalgic. I love being reminded of good things that have happened.
14. The internet reminding me when it's a friend's birthday.

THE END.

Distraction (yes, it's a similar title as yesterday's)

I'm going to distract you with this cute pic, so you won't realize I didn't have time to write a real post tonight. And I am too tired and need to get up too early to do it now.

Distracted

Sometimes I think I have ADD. I've never been tested so I can't tell you for sure. It doesn't really matter if I am or if I'm not, what matters is that I think a lot of things at the same time and it's very distracting. I'm going to take the next five minutes or so and just write down a bunch of random thoughts that I have:

• Hi grandma! My grandma reads this blog the most faithfully. She even prints out the pages.
• Aaron just made a cute squeal and it made Jesse laugh and I like that.
• I'm actually already having a hard time with this because it takes me too long to finish typing a sentence before I think about something else.
• I stopped to watch a weird basketball commercial.
• I just imagined a bunch of people who could possibly read my blog.
• And a memory about when me and a couple friends in our contemporary social theory class in college would study over margaritas because it helped us focus.
• One time in seminary, I wrote a 10 page paper in about an hour at this dive-y bar with Heather.
• Oh yeah, Heather wants me to play trivia crack with her.
• I hope people don't think I drink too often, since I referenced drinking two sentences in a row.
• Those two memories were several years a part, so I shouldn't worry about that.
• Why is my skin so itchy?
• I need to get the laundry out soon.
• I wonder if Jesse will make pancakes tomorrow morning.
• I'm too full to want pancakes right now.
• Why did I eat so much food tonight?
• Tomorrow I'm not allowed to have any sodium. That's a rule that I just made up for myself.
• Did you know that the serving size for green olives is 2 and they contain 13% of your daily value of sodium. I ate like 10 of them today before I knew that. And then I ate 2.5 pieces of pizza. I feel puffy.
• Aaron is the cutest baby that exists.
• Jesse's a good dad.
• I'm really glad he already got Aaron ready for bed.
• I thought I wasn't that tired earlier, but I fell asleep right after dinner.
• It was probably the pizza.
• Now I'm guilty again for eating so much tonight.
• I also had ice cream after the pizza. 
• It'd be fine if I hadn't had 3 days worth of salt.
• It was soy ice cream and the pizza had fake cheese for anyone who was worried.
• I really think a lot about how other people are interpreting what I say in this blog. I've already caught myself wondering about what kind of judgments people are making like 7 times. That's a facinating realization.
• It might be a good practice for people to just write down all of their thoughts.
• I think weirder things that what I've typed. I'm leaving some of the weirder ones out. I just don't trust the internet with all of my ridiculous and private thoughts. Just some of my ridiculous and private thoughts.
• I miss some people from Hastings.
• And from the Twin Cities.
• And from Thousand Oaks.
• And other parts of California.
• Johanna lives in San Diego and she's in Lebanon right now. She's so cool.
• Stephanie's middle name is Lavonne and I gave her the nickname Stephanie Lebanon a few years ago. I don't know why. But I do kind of like it. I've since shortened it to Stephanie Lebs. I don't know if I told her that or not though.
• When Stephanie I first hung out we were in seventh grade and our church beach day got cancelled because no one wanted to come and it was kind of cold. So, my mom dropped us off at the mall and we saw Notting Hill at the movie theater. We got the giant bag of popcorn and refilled it after the movie. Then, we went to Sweet Factory and got a bunch of candy. Then, we went to my house and ate a medium pizza. Then we had a sleepover. Then Stephanie got sick and had to go home. I'm feeling sick just thinking of all the stuff we ate. And guilty again for all the salt I had today. Also this memory is how me and Steph became BFFs.
• Lots of other random thoughts about lots of friends.
• The Office and all the best quotes.

Well, that was more like 10-15 minutes. Welcome to my brain.

Cool Wedding Hashtags

Jesse and I got married right before people started making those cool wedding hashtags. I kind of feel like we missed out on something. I wanted to make a list of fun hashtags that we could have used if we just got married like one year later, but I could only think of one and I don't even like it that much: #nicedayforaweisswedding. I feel like there's a lot we could do with Weiss and also JK (Jesse Kelli and Just Kidding), but I'm not really sure what. People must spend a lot of time working on these or they're much cleverer than I am. #hashtags

Senior Quote and/or Smiling

In our high school year book, the seniors got to put a favorite quote under their name (do all schools do this or just mine?). I spent a lot of time reading through all of my best quotes from my quote book, so I could pick the perfect one to represent myself (and also inspire people [insert the cry-laughing emoji]). 

After lots of research, I landed on: "A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight."

It's a little cheesy, but I also think it's wise. Smiling makes things a lot better sometimes. If it's a tense conversation, a smile helps diffuse it. If you're annoyed and you force yourself to smile, sometimes you can convince yourself that you want to smile, and sometimes after enough smiling, you might not even be annoyed anymore. If you're saying something potentially contentious or divisive, a smile can communicate some of the following: "I could be wrong" or "I don't take myself TOO seriously" or "if you disagree, we can still be friends." If a relationship is on the mend, a smile can speed the healing process along. A smile can connect strangers walking by each other on the street. A smile can say "I like you" or "I love you" or "I'm here for you." All in all, if you're not sure if you should smile, I'd err on the side of smile.

To quote Buddy the Elf, "I love smiling. Smiling's my favorite."

Where do you see God?

Here’s a list of the places I regularly see God, in no specific order:

• In a good, deep conversation
• In our son, especially when he giggles
• Now that we have a son, in me, because I have a willingness to sacrifice for him that I have really never had before.
• In my husband, specifically how he shows love by doing nice and helpful things, how forgiving and understanding he is, how steady he is in his faith (and in general, really), and especially how passionate he is about his vocation.
• The ocean
• Most beautiful places in nature
• A clear night sky, like a Montana one. And a daytime Montana one.
• Montana.
• People that I love
• The B-I-B-L-E, yes that’s the book for me
• A good hymn sing
• Even a bad hymn sing
• “Beer and Hymns”
• My family
• A thoughtful conversation with someone of opposite views and/ beliefs
• When I write in my gratitude book
• Church
• Prayer
• Diversity
• People coming together that you wouldn’t expect to come together
• Giving money away
• Intergenerational relationships
• Little kid church choirs
• When people are courageous
• When I’m in bed; I like to talk to God a lot at nighttime
• Candles
• Campfires
• Reconciliation- like watching people come back together, forgive each other, etc.
• Sitting in a quiet place with a notebook
• Brainstorming/ ministry visioning
• Thinking about how many people I’m privileged to know and how many people who have been a meaningful part of my life.

There are more I'm sure! Where do you see God?

My kid is helping me give up the following for Lent:

In addition to writing this blog everyday, Aaron is helping me fast from a bunch of things for Lent and possibly for several years after Lent is over. Here's what I can think of so far:

• Sleeping for more than a few hours at a time
• Sleeping soundly
• Sleeping without periodically waking up and making sure he's still breathing
• Eating a nice leisurely meal
• Eating all of my meals with access to both of my arms
• Eating in silence
• Remembering things (today I forgot my phone number)
• Remembering all of the words that I want to say in a sentence. Most of them go like this: Today I went to the uh, the, uh, you know the place with the food, the grocery store, and they were out of that one candy, no I mean bar, those one things, the granola, granola bars that I like. 
• Staying awake when sitting down
• Wanting to go to bed after 9
• Leaving the house whenever I want

There are more but remember, I can't remember things.

I'm not sure how this sounds to you as you're reading this. I hope it doesn't make me sound ungrateful. To be very clear, I will gladly give up all of these things forever if it means getting to have this kiddo in my life. :-)

The Perfect Piece of Cake

When I was pregnant, I found out about six months in that I had gestational diabetes. We got it under control with a careful diet and exercise, but that meant a lot less carbs and pretty much no dessert. The problem with that kind of diet when you're pregant is CRAVINGS. I think especially since I couldn't eat dessert, it became all I wanted. Especially cake. Chocolate cake.

The last month of pregnancy I pretty much didn't sleep. Between going to the bathroom every six seconds and having early contractions off and on, I spent a lot of the night thinking. I mostly thought about all the foods I could eat after I delivered Aaron, and I'd spend hours of the night watching dessert recipe videos. All the while, I was designing the perfect piece of cake in my head, waiting for the day I could eat it. Here's what it would be:

• Chocolate cake
• Three layers
• Chocolate ganoche on top and in the layers (I think that's what it's called. The really thick chocolate frosting?)
• Maybe an extra in between layer of chocolate mousse
• Those chocolate ribbons on top
• Also whipped cream on top 

And guess what? On Aaron's birthday, my sisters bought me a giant piece of chocolate cake. And it was pretty much my dream cake and everything I hoped it would be.

I didn't take a pic of it, but these aren't too far off:

Floor Mat and Ceiling Fan

The joy of my day these days is hearing my baby squeal and get excited about things. And nothing makes him happier than laying on his back on his little play floor mat or staring at the not moving ceiling fan. He will stare at that ceiling fan for minutes, which is the same as hours in baby time. I wonder a lot what he thinks it looks like or what he thinks it is. I think about that children's book, "are you my mother?" and hope that he's not asking that question in his head when he's staring intently at it.

On the floor mat he's the most vocal. There are these little toys dangling from the top so he can swing at them or talk to them. I think there's an elephant, a lion, a squirrel and something else. He loves Lion the most and smiles at him a lot. Sometimes he hits the one that has a little bell on it and that's one of the most exciting things that can happen.

You can tell when he's building up to a big squeal. You can hear his breathing pick up and he gets more and more anxiously excited and his body gets tense, and then a big happy scream comes out.

Here are some pics:

  

My Planner Binder

I'm probably one of the only millenials that carries around a paper planner. Scratch that, it's not a paper planner. It's a 3-ring binder that I lug around in my purse. But in it, I made the perfect planner. It has three sections: a monthly calendar section that I print from this website, the weekly section by Passion Planner, and my favorite part- a daily productivity schedule that Donald Miller made, called "The Storyline Productivity Schedule."

Here's what I like about each section:

Monthly:
I am really perfectionist about my planners. If I have to see erase marks or white out or crossed off plans or mismatched pen colors, it makes me crazy. When you just print out the page, you can print another one if it starts looking not so nice.

I also need to be able to write out my appointments and see the whole month at a time. Otherwise I will not remember. I did have a couple month period where I would quickly add an appointment by only writing the time. For example, Tuesday the 10th, 3:00. What was happening at 3:00? Who was I meeting? Would I need to prepare for this meeting? Where was I supposed to be going? No one knows. I'm sorry to anyone I flaked on by accident!

Weekly:
Same as the monthly, it helps me visualize all of my plans for the week so I don't forget them. It also helps me plan out how to use my time. There's a section for a weekly to do list for home and work, and that helps me be a little more realistic about how much I might possibily accomplish in a week. There are some other fun things too: a fun things that happened section, a place for notes and brainstorming, and something to focus on each day.

Daily:
I have a hard time focusing. I want to work on 10 projects at one time. I just closed a bunch of windows on my computer, so now I only have 8 open. I've checked Facebook like 15 times since I started writing this. The storyline planner is the best for people like me. I write in it almost every day to help give me focus for the day, and to give me a fighting chance of doing more meaningful work. It limits you to projects to 3 and to put them in order of most mentally challenging/ most important. There's a spot for daily appointments and a to-do list, which are both nice, but the best sections are the, "if I could live today over again, I'd..." and the "things I get to enjoy today..." ones. Having to answer both of those questions in the beginning of the day almost always helps me to approach the day with a better mindset, more gratitude, and a little less regret.

If you want to make my incredible planner, it can be yours for like $1.99 (costs: a regular binder and printing off some free pages online).

Does EVERYTHING happen for a reason?

"Everything happens for a reason." People always say this phrase. Almost always when something bad has happened. I don't like it. I haven't liked it for about 15 years.

When people say it to me, I try to thank them because I know that it's usually coming from a kind place and meant to be comforting. What I want to do is launch into a theological discussion about everything that I think is wrong about it.

Here are a bunch of random thoughts that I have on "everything happens for a reason":

1. One of the reasons that I don't like the phrase is that while it is used with the intention of comforting, I think some people say it because they're uncomfortable with someone else's grief or struggle. Maybe they can't really handle that someone feels something they themselves wouldn't want to feel? Or maybe they want to rid themselves of that awkward feeling of not knowing what to say when someone is grieving? I'm pretty against people shutting down their grief, and I'm really pretty against people shutting down someone else's grief. Dismissing painful feelings never really brings the healing we need. 

2. I don't believe that everything happens for a reason. Well, I guess I do in a logical sense. For example, I'm really tired right now because our infant cried a lot last night. That's a reason. But when people say "everything happens for a reason" they usually are inferring that there was a divinely orchestrated plan working itself out. Then the reason becomes that God planned this and we just don't understand what good or necessary thing is coming because of it. I have some trouble with this. 

3. I don't like blaming God for my heartache. Also, attributing God with all of the suffering in the world doesn't really match up with God's character, at least not to me. I understand God to be a God of life, not death. God can create life out of death and order out of chaos, but I don't really believe that God is the one bringing death, grief, and loss to God's children.

4. In response to number 3, I understand I could be wrong. That's okay. Don't try to change my mind. For today, not believing that God causes the loss in our lives is important for my faith. One day when I get to meet God face to face, I am doubtful an error in my understanding of God's actions in the world (especially one that helps me be more open and loving to God right now) will be an issue for God and me. 

5. Sometimes believing "everything happens for a reason" seems a little selfish. I've not liked this phrase for 15 years. That's because 15 years ago next month is when my best friend died. He was one of my very best friends, but he was also a lot of people's friend. He was also a son, a brother, a classmate, a nephew, a cousin, a fellow church-goer, etc. etc. to a lot of people. We packed the church at his funeral because he was that loved. So, when people would say, "everything happens for a reason" to me after he died, there was this presumption that the reason for his death had something to do with me. Like I just didn't understand God's reason for this loss yet, but one day, I was going to be able to look back and see God's purpose in it for me. His death had nothing to do with me. God did not will my friend to get in his new dirt bike and hit a parked car so that God could teach ME something or to use this moment to provide ME with some blessing in my future, etc. So many people were and are affected by his death, it's not about me.

6. Jesus never says, "everything happens for a reason." And also, it's not even in the bible anywhere else either.

7. God is the best. God's the most powerful. The most knowing. The most loving. When I was grieving, the other thing that I kept thinking about when people would tell me that everything happens for a reason is this: couldn't God think of a better way? If anyone could, it would be God.

8. A lot of people who say this would also quickly claim that we have free will. Can you really have both? It seems like it's one or the other.

9. I think SOME things might happen for a reason. Like meeting Jesse has always felt like a God thing to me. This last year for us and being led on a totally different life path seems like God. I can see God in a lot of beautiful moments in my life, and often things have happened that I haven't understood and seen blessing in later. But still EVERYthing just doesn't seem right to me.

10. I had a professor in college who would often say, "Sh*t happens, but God makes a flower out of it." It's crass, but I think it communicates what I believe better than "everything happens for a reason." I would rather believe that there isn't some divinely inspired reason for suffering, and that God meets us in our suffering and the dead places of our lives and creates life out of it. I always believe that God creates life out of death. Both in a literal way (new life because of Jesus) and figuratively (being able to see God bring healing and joy). The "sh*t happens, but God makes a flower out of it" isn't in the bible either, but I like it.

11. I've seen this phrase do a lot of damage to peoples' faith.

12. If I'm meeting with someone who is grieving and they tell me that everything happens for a reason and I think it's giving them comfort, I won't ever steal that from them. I'll only suggest they think about it differently if it's hurting their faith and their heart.

13. Who came up with this phrase?

That's all for now! 

What else could I name this blog?

A few alternate names for this blog:

• 15% Serious 
• Attempts at Jokes
• I write most of these posts in my bed on my phone (this one might be a bit too wordy
• Deep Thoughts by Kelli Weiss (Handy)
• Long Facebook Posts
• Let me make a list about that
• Do you want to avoid the weight of current events for 30 seconds? (Also a little wordy)
• A Few Things
• Sentence fragments so you can imagine me saying this with good delivery (also also a little wordy)
• Lent Blog
• Chapters of the book I'd write if I were famous

Shot Glasses of Water

When we were little we discovered my grandparents had a few shot glasses. I'm not sure I understood what you were supposed to put in them, but I knew that they were cute little cups and you could take one big gulp of some drink from them. That was fun. We tried lots of drinks in the shot glasses. Mostly water and Diet Coke. Sometimes root beer and sprite. Often times we would race to see who could drink theirs faster. I'm not sure why we did that, but it was fun too. I would think if you knew someone who didn't like to drink water very much or if someone was dehydrated, a fun way to hydrate would be to just put some water in a shot glass and have a water drinking from a shot glass race.

This is harder now

I remembered at 11 last night as I got in bed that I forgot to write something. I was kind of loopy tired so I went to bed instead. And now it's 10:50 and I am in bed and I realized I haven't posted something yet... again. This Lent blog is a lot harder with an infant. I have no idea where the day went. Somehow as I'm getting ready to sit down and watch tv and sort of settle in for the day, I look over and see Jesse getting ready for bed and realize that it's almost 11 again. Life is really good and really different all of a sudden.

I started this blog as a Lenten practice last year and it was really good for me. I had to be a little creative and vulnerable and it was exactly what I needed to be doing right then. This year is a lot harder. I can't put nearly as much thought or time into it and I'm posting things way before I feel ready to hit "publish". As I'm thinking about it though, that's what's important about this practice for me this year.

I'm a bit of a perfectionist and in this season of life, I really need to set that aside. I always need to learn to set that aside, but as a new mom, I really need to just be content with who I am and what I can do. Lent is about coming to terms with our humanness and our brokenness and realizing just how much we need God. Thanks blog for helping me do Lent better.

Also, I wrote this all from my phone.

Who I am according to personality inventories

I really love personality inventories. I've taken a bunch of them, but I'm too tired to remember more than four of them. Here's who I am according to:

Myers-Briggs

ENFP (extravert, intuition, feeling, perceiving)

Strength Finders

My top 5 strengths:

1. Developer

2. Positivity

3. Arranger

4. Maximizer

5. Empathy

Enneagram

2, with a 3 wing and also sometimes with a 1 wing (I can have both, right?)

Love Languages

Quality Time

Favorite Hot Sauces

I love hot sauce. I put it on 90% of the foods I eat. No, more like 94%. Pretty much the only foods I don't put hot sauce on are cereal and dessert. Here is a list of my favorite hot sauces in ranked order:

1. Taco Bell Fire Sauce
2. Tapatio
3. Cholula
4. Tabasco (regular)
5. Tabasco (jalepeno one)
6. Sriracha

A few thoughts about hot sauce:

1. If you make me dinner, don't be offended when I pour hot sauce all over it. Your food is really good, I just really like hot sauce.
2. Hot sauce is really good for my marriage. Jesse hates spicy food and I love it. We make normal food, and then I make it a lot better with hot sauce.
3. It's really uncomfortable to ask for hot sauce in a fancy restaurant, but I still do it.
4. When I was moving from California to Minnesota, I realized I was getting closer to the midwest because fewer and fewer restaurants had hot sauce on the table.

The end. :-)

Cutsie Pet Names

I hate cutsie names and most pet names. I think in the almost 9 years that Jesse and I have been together, we've never called each other some kind of nickname or pet name (except for I think a total of three times he's called me "Kel" and that's actually a nickname I even like). But let me tell you the list of pet names I've called Aaron so far:

Sweetheart
Nugget
Lil Nugget
Peanut
Punkin'
Snuggle Buggle (I'm really not proud of that)
Cranky pants
Cranky butt
Baby
Lil Man
Honey Bunny
Cutie
Cutie Patootie

I'll add more as I catch myself saying them. Also, why do I do this???

Pet Peeves

Here's a list of all of the things that bug me:

• when people smack their food, especially cake
• speed bumps
• when people say "just" repeatedly while praying outloud
• getting a response to an email with a question that was answered in the first email
• when people fish for compliments 
• when people ask you to do something for them without actually asking- just hinting really loud.
• "scooping" when singing
• also, vibrado
• when people flake
• when people tell me that I look like a kid, and when I don't look happy about it instead of apologizing, they tell me that I'll love hearing things like that when I'm older
• telling me the same thing 10 times in a row
• long goodbyes where you start doing small talk again
• rude political memes and also any political memes
• being a passenger in a car with someone who hits their brakes too hard, especially in traffic 
• misusing they're/there/their and your/you're
• popcorn stuck in my teeth
• dogs licking me
• snoring
• hearing my alarm at another time in the day
• the patriarchy
• being cold
• realizing the clothes I wanted to wear are dirty or lost in the black hole of my closet
• bad breath
• people who aren't Jesse getting close enough that I could know they have bad breath
• when people stand stoicly during the hymns at church and refuse to sing
• clinginess
• nails on a chalkboard or similar surface
• any sentence that comes after: "I'm not a racist, but" or "I'm not sexist but..."
• most commentary on Christian radio stations
• the comments section on pretty much every article I've ever read
• when people don't have their dogs on a leash and they come charging at my dog on a walk
• loud noises
• pessimism
• any post on facebook that says, "share if you agree" 

Well, I'm sure I have more. Also, I'm sure I do a lot of these. Sometimes I bug me too. :-)


 

Sleep Deprived Hallucinations

Well, no one is surprised, but I'm pretty tired. Infants are a lot of work. And our kiddo must be having a growth spurt, because he's hungry all the time, including all night. It's ok, that's what infants do. I'm just pretty tired. So a funny thing has happened to me a bunch of times in the middle of the night. In that in between zone of being awake or asleep, I am convinced that Aaron is in our bed with us. I've caught myself panicking because I think I've rolled over him or that he's going to fall off. I've caught myself rubbing the comforter thinking it was his back. I also snuggled with a rolled up part of the blanket for a while. In the moment, I'm convinced this is really happening and sometimes I even think I see him- though who knows if I actually have my eyes open or not. #sleepdeprivation

My dad, the rocker.

My dad is a self-proclaimed "rocker". He loves his music. It's mostly of the classic rock and '80s power ballad variety... although the Celtic Women sneak in there from time to time. I think one of the happiest days of his life was when he learned how to use an ipod, and the second happiest day was when he learned how to connect it to his stereo in his truck.

When we were growing up, every night after dinner my dad would plug in the boom box in the kitchen and blast his favorite jams while doing the dishes. And, if you were lucky enough to be driving by our house, you might just catch a glimpse of my dad air guitaring through the kitchen window. Some of the regular tapes and CDs were The Doors, Reo Speedwagon, ACDC, Queen, Richard Marx, Boston, Journey, Aerosmith, Foreigner, and Pink Floyd. Thanks to my dad, me and my sisters now call most of these artists' songs: "dishes songs". A lot of the time we were annoyed to have the kitchen and living room taken over by dad's rocking out, but I think we all had a little extra grace since he was also doing the dishes. Less grace though when on the occassional Saturday morning, my dad found a little extra joy in playing this one as loud as possible to wake us up when we were sleeping in too late.

This is one of my favorite things about my dad. I love how much he loves music. I love how he can tell you where he was when he first heard a song or how he remembers exactly what year it came out. I love how any remake of one of his favorites is a inherently a cheap comparison. I love how he loves to share his favorite songs with anyone who will listen.

I've been on maternity leave now for five weeks. I am so grateful to have this time to spend with Aaron and it's been wonderful to start learning how to be a mom. It's also been pretty tough. Beyond the normal toughness of not sleeping, changing a million diapers, life and family adjustments, etc., as an antsy extrovert, I've just had hard time being stuck inside all day talking to no one who will respond to me with words. 

At the end of my first week being home with Aaron by myself, I had cabin fever pretty bad. It was a rare February day with warmer weather and a lot of sunshine. Our dog had a vet appointment, so I very quickly volunteered to be the one to take her, just to have a reason to leave the house. On the way there and back I turned up the music as loud as I could handle just because there was no sleeping baby in the car and because I could. And it bought me so much joy. For twenty minutes in the car, blasting some music, there was this tiny bit of freedom that I realized will come in shorter supply for the next 18+ years. 

I thought of my dad and wondered if that's what it feels like to him. Dad, is that what it's like? Am I turning into a rocker? Maybe I'll also start doing the dishes more?

HGTV

Reasons I love and don't love HGTV:

Love:

• TV vacationing to tropical places and a bunch of countries I’ve never seen
• Touring houses
• Chip and Joanna Gaines
• Watching home renovations take less than 30 minutes
• It’s good background noise
• Tiny House Hunters, and fantasizing about getting rid of a bunch of stuff and living on the road.

Don’t love:

• The property brothers. They just kind of bug me.
• House hunters is pretty much the same episode with different people and houses. There’s a couple that has opposite tastes and they complain about every house that looks like something the other might like.
• Despite having a beautiful new kitchen, HGTV infiltrates your mind and makes you think you need a new, new kitchen.
• The following phrases: turn key, curb appeal, “this room has an airy feel”, master retreat

"Only pay attention to me." -Me

When I was little I was used to a certain amount of attention. All of it.

I was the first kid, the first niece, the first grandkid, and the first great grandkid. I had no shortage on love and attention.

My grandma used to watch me during the day when my parents were at work. I loved playing all the games with Grandma and was used to playing all of my favorite games with her all day long. But, when I was around four years old, my great-grandma moved in with my grandparents for a little while. The adjustment was pretty tough. For me.

I have a pretty vivid memory of sitting next to my grandma while her and my great-grandma were chatting in the living room. I kept waiting to play with grandma, but she just kept talking. Finally, exasperated, I grabbed her face and made her look at me and said, "only pay attention to me!" Turns out I actually said that to her a lot.

Well, I'm not sure that I TOTALLY outgrew loving all of the attention, but I've learned to not grab peoples' faces and yell them in order to get it.

Also, as I'm writing this, Jesse has been trying to read the newspaper while holding Aaron. Everytime he picks up the paper, Aaron starts screaming. He might be my kid. :-)

You burp, I burp.

I'm sometimes a bit overly empathetic. It turns out I'm more than a bit overly empathetic with our son. Every single time I try to burp him, I burp. I don't think about it, but it always happens.

If I wonder if he's swallowing when I'm feeding him, I start swallowing.

If he stirs in his sleep, I wake up.

If he cries for too long, I cry. That's maybe less about empathy and more about desperation.

When he's tired, I'm tired. And I'm tired when he's not tired.

I guess I feel a little connected to him. And I really like and love him.

A list of 48 possible titles

It really helps me to have a bunch of random topics already picked out so I don't have to spend a million hours coming up with some idea of what to talk about. Here's a brainstorm list so far:

1. You burp, I burp
2. Sleep Deprived Hallucinations
3. Today I unloaded the dishwasher.
4. I sometimes hate facebook.
5. Don’t say no for me
6. “Welcome to…”
7. Why do people hate being PC?
8. I didn’t drink during the elections
9. Who I am according to all the personality inventories
10. Grocery store glares
11. I don’t want to watch myself watch tv
12. Ellen
13. Snowflakes
14. Oh, you don't practice imaginary interviews in the car?
15. Sizzler and Hometown Buffet
16. My kid is making me give up the following for Lent:
17. The Perfect Piece of Chocolate Cake
18. My Dad, the Rocker
19. Be
20. Fav The Office Quotes
21. Whole Convos in Movie Quotes
22. My Old Friend, Nostalgia
23. Time Hop
24. Millenials
25. A Few Life Goals
26. Does EVERYTHING happen for a reason?
27. Cruising Around T.O.
28. Feel stuff. It’s a lot better than not feeling stuff.
29. Cool Wedding Hashtags
30. Internet Trolls’ Talents
31. Thank You Cards
32. I love museums.
33. We have so much in common.
34. Favorite Hot Sauces in Ranked Order
35. Floor Mat, Ceiling Fan, and Baby Toys
36. HGTV
37. Our dog loves people too much.
38. Is Netflix a hobby?
39. I’d prefer to be laughing
40. Pet Peeves
41. Fishing
42. Wait, before I do that I need to check Facebook 600 times.
43. My Planner Binder
44. “Only pay attention to me.”
45. Shot Glasses of Water
46. Always missing hundreds of people
47. Senior Quote
48. Where do you see God?

You will see that few of these post titles are very serious, I'd say 10% are serious. That's why I named my blog "10% Serious". Because I'm pretty straight forward. 

The Lenten Diet

I used to give up something for Lent every year. I usually switched between desserts, fast food, and soda. I want to believe I had good intentions, that I wanted a good spiritual discipline, but let's be real, it was a diet. The only difference between my Lenten practices and health kicks I would go on before summer is that I would actually follow through during Lent. For God. And hey, wouldn't it be a fun bonus if those pants I've had at the bottom of my drawer fit again as a result of my faithfulness? I can't say that there was no helpfulness in my fasting practice, but I had mixed motives at best.

So, instead, I'm picking my blog back up again. Last year when I did this, it helped me be creative, a little vulnerable, and lighthearted (and disciplined!) every day. That feels a bit more faithful to me. So, that's what I'm going to do, while eating cake. Read it if you want. :-)