Joy vs. Happiness

These are not the same thing. 

I love and hate happiness. That sounds ridiculous, I know. I love being happy. I like to surround myself with fun and funny people, who often make me feel happy. I typically have a positive outlook on things. So, in those ways, I love happiness. I hate happiness because I see so many people chasing after it... and failing.

To me, happiness is just a feeling. It's a fleeting thing. It's a moment to moment kind of thing. It's right there next to all of the feelings available to us. Some people say they just want to be happy. But who can feel happy all the time? NO ONE. I know that we all know that it isn't practical, feasible, healthy, normal, etc. to feel happy all the time, but for some reason, I see more and more people stuffing their grief and struggle and trying to choose happiness instead. 

I'm not sure how you choose a feeling- mine just sort of happen. Perhaps people have a special gift and can actually choose which emotions they want to feel? I don't know how to do it without turning off all of the emotions or temporarily burying the tough ones until they come out sideways. Sideways emotions are never pretty.

Think about how weird it would be to feel happy all the time: 

You just failed your test, but keep laughing?

Your friend died, and you can't stop smiling?

Feeling so glad when your family member has health concerns.

That would be so weird. I think other emotions exist for the fullness of human life and relationships. Some things are worthy of our feelings of sadness, of fear, of anger.

I love and love joy. Joy is a bit different to me. I know this is just semantics, but to me joy is deeper. Joy is not a feeling. Joy is more like gratitude and deep gladness. You can hold it alongside heartache and it doesn't dishonor or disregard what or whom was lost. My sense of joy is tied to my faith. The promise of being loved always and forever by my creator, the promise of life, the promise of grace, the promise of God being with me through the good and the bad... all of that gives me joy.   

I don't want to be happy. I want to be joyful.