Perfect Friday Night in 1994

 As soon as school got out on a Friday afternoon, it was a countdown until fast food and TGIF. Thank God/Goodness it's Friday on ABC. The best TGIF lineup had Full House, Family Matters, Boy Meets World, and Step by Step. They had that creepy dinosaur show for a while too, I skipped that one because it creeped me out. We used to get fast food on Friday nights, get out the red plaid blanket and eat it on the floor while we watched TGIF. I looked forward to it all week basically. 

I wish I could have more living room picnics now, but we have a dog who will eat all of our food and lick our heads. There's also no waiting for your favorite show to start or waiting all week for it on Friday. The kids just turn on their favorite shows whenever they want. It's convenient, but they'll never know that TGIF rush.   

Crowded Table

This is one of my favorite songs: Crowded Table by The Highwomen. Just listen to it and smile a little bit, if you want.

Here's the chorus:

I want a house with a crowded table

And a place by the fire for everyone

Let us take on the world while we're young and able

And bring us back together when the day is done

That IS what I want. I regularly fantasize about ways I can build community and various events I want to host. Today I was fantasizing for like 20 minutes about having some kind of community neighborhood thanksgiving meal. (Actually, I was watching the Thank You Day episode of Daniel Tiger and then wondering how I could have the same event. Daniel Tiger's neighborhood loves being neighborly and being in community.) 

In conclusion:

• Listen the The Highwomen, they're delightful
• It's okay to watch Daniel Tiger with or without children
• I need to build a very large table.
• Here's a motto I try to live by: every person is worth meeting and knowing.  

Let me do this better than you for one minute

Today I was losing patience with my kiddos. Trying to leave the house in any timely fashion with little people is perhaps the worst time of the day. I was trying to get out to the door and on our way to the science museum and someone (my beloved 6 year old child) was spinning and not looking where they were going so I got increasingly louder and grouchier and said, "hey can you just look at where you are, sweet child." There was little sweet about the way I said it. We were getting into the elevator with a big old hard to turn stroller and I was basically sweating just getting the kids from the car, with all their stuff, whilst children are yelling and spinning in a parking lot, etc. etc. when we met this lady. She was a very very nice lady who obviously caught my curt tone and decided to level up her sweetness to my children. I don't know if I can describe this better, but I could tell she was judging ME by being SO SO SO nice to my kids in that moment. My kids deserve every single kindness in the world, they truly do, but I got the sense she thought she was swooping in to save them from my grouchiness with her sweetness. Like I've never met any of you nor spent any length of time with you, but let me be the better parent here. I definitely wasn't less grouchy after that. 

Insomnia Impulse Buy Product Reviews

Sometimes I can't sleep. And when I don't sleep, I'm real vulnerable to buying weird things that the internet suggests I buy. Because I'm scrolling the internet and someone made a compelling video that worked on tired me. Here are some things I've bought and my reviews of those items:

Bleame hair removal thing: 

This just came in the mail. You like rub it on your legs in a circle and then it takes off your hair. It surprisingly works. Non 3 am Kelli opinion: safe to buy, I even recommend it I think. 

Hair on the carpet scraper thing that I can't remember the name of, but maybe you've seen the videos:

You just scape it on your carpet/rug, and it gets all the dog hair off of it. Non 3 am Kelli opinion: also safe to buy, it works!

This hair curler that is supposed to be super easy that I saw like 6 different companies advertising with the same videos:

You just take a little piece of hair and clamp it in the curler and pull, like you would with a hair straightener. Even at 3 am, the 6 different companies advertising the same product with different names should have been a big old red flag. Non 3 am Kelli opinion: do NOT buy this. It does not work at all. It'll sit in your cabinet, in hopes that it will magically work one day, but it will not. 

Yoga pants that are only at this very low price for the next 28 minutes and 59 seconds: 

They'll look good in the pictures, but you won't look like that. The tag will say your size, but you aren't squeezing into those things. Be ready to give them to a small child you know. Non 3 am Kelli opinion: don't get them! Old Navy probably has a similar deal and you'll be able to pull them up past your knees.

Prose:

It's customized shampoo and conditioner and product and some leave in conditioner that you'll never want to dedicate 15 minutes to wearing before you even shower. Non 3 am Kelli opinion: it's nice shampoo and conditioner, it smells good, but your hair will not curl like that one chic in the video, and it's wayyy too expensive for shampoo. Also, it's a subscription and if you forget to cancel your subscription (like people who are vulnerable enough to buy Prose at 3 am might be), you'll get to pay for several months of it.

New Wash:

It's non-shampoo shampoo that is supposed to help you stretch out the days between washing your hair. Non 3 am Kelli opinion: ehh. I actually used this for a couple of years, but it's expensive, it's hard to wash out (and if you don't get it all out, it looks greasier than before you washed it), and it's a subscription. If you do wash it all out right, I could go 2-3 days without washing it and my hair was real real shiny. 4/10?

Mushroom Coffee:

The advertisements I saw were for MUD Coffee or something like that. I searched Amazon for a cheaper version. It's coffee and Lion's Mane mushrooms that is supposed to make you focus. Non 5 am Kelli opinion: It tasted good, but it didn't help me focus, and I can just drink regular coffee for 1/8 of the price.

The one where I will compare salt and complaining

Sometimes I catch myself complaining a lot, only I don't actually care all that much about the thing I'm complaining about- I'm not really upset about it, it didn't ruin my time, etc. Honestly it's just something to talk about. Like today we went to the science museum and it was nice. Hectic and wild and a little tense at times, but overall it was a nice morning and I'm grateful to have gotten to go with the kiddos. I was telling Jesse about it this afternoon and I must have said a bunch of things that went wrong because he said (like 30% in jest), "was there anything good about the science museum?" Then I realized I only complained? 

Here's the thing, details, variety, it makes a story and an experience better. If the science museum was, "good," "fun," "nice," that would be pretty boring to hear about. You gotta add some details like, "Aaron was running and spinning all over the place," "Clara kept peeking at people and touching their heads during the imax movie," "I lost Aaron for a few minutes but then we found him," "Clara's favorite exhibit was a toy car that we have at our house," "there was this really nice, but definitely judgy lady we met on our way in." "guess how many museums we can go to with our new annual pass?" "that imax movie like had a plot and everything." You know, it's like spices on food. No one wants to eat bland stuff, you want it to have flavor. 

For the title of this post's sake, maybe complaining is like salt? Easy to add, but too much ruins your food. Also it's addictive probably. But it definitely makes your bland food taste better. I think that's about as far as that metaphor goes.

12 CDs for a ONE PENNY

If you got Teen Magazine as a kid, then you were offered 12 CDs for only a penny a bunch of times with one of those little perforated cards you could mail back in. Once you got your free CDs you could cancel before they would start charging you monthly for more CDs. I did it a few times because I'm a sucker. I'm also exactly who they wanted to sign up for Columbia House because I never remember to cancel my membership and always bought a few CDs that I didn't want. Here are some of the CDs I remember getting for a penny:

1. Destiny's Child 
2. Eminem (with mom's spaghetti and all that)
3. Nickelback (YUP)
4. 3 Doors Down (the one with Kryptonite on it)
5. Will Smith (Willenium)
6. Christina Aguilera
7.  POD (because I surely wouldn't have bought that for full price)
8. Puddle of Mudd
   

I can't remember the rest, but I'm guessing some off-brand boy bands and some bands that sounded like Creed were also included.

Questions from a sermon one time

One time I had people pick a bunch of reflection questions out of a bowl during my sermon. They took a while to compile and so to get more use out of them, maybe they're helpful to you? Sub out Mount Calvary for your community of choice (unless you're apart of Mount Calvary and then please don't choose a different community, we like you here! ha):

•  Are there people at Mount Calvary you haven’t gotten to know yet? What’s stopping you?
• Are there ministries you want to be a part of or organizations you want to volunteer with/ know more about? What’s stopping you?
• Who in your life could use a reminder that you love them or that you’re grateful for them?
• What do you need to say no to? 
• Is there something you are good at that you’ve been too humble to tell anyone else about?
• What gifts do you have that you aren’t using to their full potential?
• Is there someone you need to forgive?
• Is there someone you need to ask for forgiveness?
• Who do you find it hard to love? Who is God calling you to care for better?
• Where do you feel God stirring in your life? 
• Is there an opportunity you are afraid to say yes to?
• What do you need to recommit to?
• What needs a deeper commitment in your life?
• What is a charitable gift that you can easily give but have not?
• What is something you are holding on to that you could let go of?
• Do you need rest? 
• Is there someone you see regularly that you could offer encouragement or support?
• Is there something that you are putting off? 
• How well do you know the people at Mount Calvary of another generation than yours? Could you ask someone a story about their life or the things that bring them joy?
• Are there places in your life where you need to speak up? Or places you need to bite your tongue?
• Have you shared with the church council your hopes for the future and the things you value about this faith community?
• Is there a change you’ve been struggling to embrace?
• Could you share more of your life with others?
• Do you have an overly ambitious dream you need to have real hope in?
• Is there something you feel called to, but it seems too challenging?
• Is there something you need help with, but have had a hard time asking for help?

What's my age again?

People are always pretty confused about how old I am. I'm 36, in case you are too. Here is a mix of reasons and anecdotes and a few random thoughts related to age:

• I'm short. That's confusing for people. Even though most girls stop growing by 14, somehow people expect me to be taller for my age. Or actually, generally just think I'm a lot younger than I am because I'm short. 
• In college, my roommate asked me to buy her some cigarettes and the guy working at the counter told me I wasn't old enough. I was old enough.
• Also in college, I chaperoned at 4-6th grade retreat and other adults kept trying to put me in a small group with 4th-6th graders.
• When I was a new pastor (like 26-27 years old?) I used to go to the middle school at lunch every now and then to say hi to my church kids and one time within 30 seconds I had one kid ask me: "do you go here?" and another kid asked me if I was a mom of one of the kids.
•  A few years ago I was at a winery and ordered a glass of wine and the guy behind the bar threw my ID on the table and said, "you're lying, you can't be this old!"
• A few days ago I bought a bottle of wine and I took my ID out at the same time as my credit card. It was in my hand so I asked the guy working if he needed my ID. He said sure, but I know he just said it to be nice. 
• I went from always always always being carded to all of a sudden never being carded. I kind of hoped I'd slowly ease into that next phase, but I did not.
• I have always been one of the youngest people in my class, if not the youngest. Most of my friends are older than me. I hang out with lots of people much older than me in my job, which both makes me feel young and much older than I am at the same time. 
• At a previous church, every single week someone said, "you look like one of the kids"
• I'm not a young adult anymore. I'm also not going to count myself as middle aged, because I intend to live to 104 or so. I guess I'm just the regular kind of adult. 
• I thought I'd feel older when I was this age.
• I also feel a lot older than this age. 
• I also feel like a child.
• I'm old enough that I don't like dimly lit, loud restaurants. I've been that old my whole life I think.

I wrote this whole thing with Blink 182 playing in the back of my head.

Hepp Peeeese and Other Words Clara Says

Clara is 20 months! And she says some words. Here's her current list:

• Mommy
• Daddy
• Deh-ee (Debbie)
• Ahh-um (Autumn)
• Bub
• Air-nn (Aaron)
• pup-pup (puppy)
• ooo-ooo (monkey, because oo oo ahh ahh)
• hi! (she prefers to sneak up by your face and whisper it all funny)
• meeee (when she wants something you have)
• mean (?) (when she's mad that you aren't doing the thing you want her to do)
• hep peese (help please- what I tell her to say when she's yelling for something)
• hep, peese! hep peese! hep peese! (what she yells to me when I don't get her out of the crib fast enough in the middle of the night)
• PEEEEEEEEEEESE (please. I don't know how she already learned to say it in a begging sort of way, but it cracks me up)
• Eeese (cheese)
• Esst (chest, which she taps until I clear out a space for her to lay down on my chest)
• all done (with baby sign, she learned them at the same time)
• no
• Dan-nel (Daniel, as in Daniel Tiger)
• Ayy-ee (Kayti)
• boop (poop)
• Ooze (shoes)

These are the words that I've heard her say. She understands most things you say though, so watch out!

Shorty

I tell people that I'm 5'1 on a good day. Which means that I'm 5 feet and 3/4 of an inch, but that's a little too wordy and specific. I've always been the shortest kid in my class. It was my 3rd grade dream to be in the back row for school pictures, but my dreams were dashed because per usual the short kids go in the front. Now I just know my place in the world of group pictures.

Sometimes people say incredulously to me, "wow, you're really short" and then I want to say something kind of sassy back because why is this a revelation to you? 

One time this kid in first grade named Romero called me "Little Kelli." And by one time, I mean all the time. I wrote about it in my school journal and bravely read my journal entry to the class. He made fun of me more for that. I can't say that I blame him much. Years later, I got real brave and I retaliated and somewhat aggressively kept calling him "Little Romero." He didn't actually remember me or that he called me Little Kelli for all of first grade, so that was fairly anticlimactic.  

When I started middle school, there were all kinds of kids that I hadn't met yet. They very accurately noticed that I am a little person, so people started calling me "shorty" as a (fun) nickname. I personally liked it. So I let them all call me Shorty. The problem is that several people thought it was my actual name and didn't bother to learn my real name. I stopped liking Shorty as much then.  

surprise!! it's me, JUDGMENT

Here's a thing: when you have some judgment for other people and all of their perfectly-reasonable-to-be-judging-them-choices, there's a good chance you're just storing up that judgment for yourself for later. Here's why: if you ever dip anywhere close to the situation you're judging them for, poof, all that judgment gets heaped on you. You either have to do all kinds of mental gymnastics to justify why what you are doing isn't the same as what those-people-who-still-definitely-deserve-all-that-judgment are doing or you have to simmer in the shame of being exactly-like-THOSE-PEOPLE.

An alternative seems to be just having more empathy for people and their unique situations and giving people the benefit of the doubt. I'd rather grace and empathy heaped on me later. I wouldn't say I'm good at this, but it does seem like the better option for future us. 

For the sake of the group chat

You know how sometimes you're in a group chat with people and someone shares some hard news, but you already know the hard news because they shared it with you privately and you already privately responded, but then you also want to respond in the group chat because you don't want the other people in the group chat to think you've insensitively not acknowledged their hard news? That's a weird thing. 

I usually just do some purple hearts. That's a nice go-to that says, "I care about you and I don't have the words right now." In this awkward group text situation, the reason I don't have the words is because I already said them to you just minutes ago.

When it's my bestie, we both will just text the same thing in the group chat that we've said to each other... and that's because we've already had this whole conversation already and know that we're just responding for the sake of the group chat. 

Kid TV/ I would watch Bluey with or without my children present

My kids like TV. I like TV. I sometimes like my kids liking TV. 

Here are my favorite little kid shows, in order:

1. Bluey 
2. Bluey
3. Bluey
4. Bluey 
5. Daniel Tiger 
6. Dino Dana 
7. Puppy Dog Pals 
8. Bluey

Here are the shows that I never ever ever want to hear ever again:

1. Mini Force: Super Dino Power 
2. Mini Force, regular. 
3. Super Truck 

I could also do without Pokemon and Sonic. 

 

ADHD + me part dos

Alright here's part two of what adhd is like for me. It's just some memes and screenshots of some adhd-people's insta posts that I relate to*: 

*and by just some memes and screenshots, I mean like FIFTY or more of them that I looked at and laughed at for an hour by myself.

ENJOY.