ARE there any other Lent blogs? If so, a ranked order of all the Lent blogs

I spent like ten minutes searching for other Lent blogs. There's really not much out there. Well, there is if you're looking for Lent blogs actually about the season of Lent. But, if you're in the market for an irreverent and random assortment of topics for 46ish days in a row in the late winter/spring each year, this is really your only option. I could rank the blogs ABOUT Lent, but if I'm really honest, I don't really want to read them.  

Hometown Buffet and Sizzler: Fancy Dining in 1995

Let me tell you about my favorite restaurants in 1995: their names are Hometown Buffet and Sizzler. I just read Aaron some Junie B Jones and that last sentence was a very Junie B thing to say. I also AM Junie B. Jones. 

Anyway, Hometown Buffet was a magical place. There was an entire salad bar. I'd always make a big salad and then add a bunch of not salad salads like potato salad and a crab/seafood salad (there is nothing more terrifying to me in 2022 than eating a seafood salad from a buffet). THEN there was a whole table with a make your own taco station. Do you know how much I love tacos? Do you know how much I loved assembling my own tacos with every topping as a child? There were other things too if I had enough room in my stomach. The best part of all was that there was a whole dessert section. They had soft serve, cakes, some kind of chocolate mousse, and no grown ups ever told me I couldn't get more than one dessert. 

We often went to Hometown Buffet when we were having a sleepover at my grandparents house or for one of our birthdays. So, besides the many desserts and seafood salad (again, WHY), it was special for those reasons too!

Sizzler was exciting in it's own way. There was a salad bar, not nearly as extensive as Hometown Buffet's whole buffet, but they had salad, soup, and make your own tacos. All the essentials. And also they had cottage cheese and pre-Kelli who has to curl up in the fetal position after eating cheese because her stomach is so mad just loved cottage cheese. Sizzler was also special because it was a sit down restaurant. Grown ups could order like a steak and a salad bar or shrimp and a salad bar. Or steak AND shrimp and a salad bar. They gave you the salad bar plates like right away, but usually our parents made us wait a little for the cheese bread to come before we could do the salad bar. The cheese bread is just the best bread ever. It's like texas toast with cheese broiled on it? It is one of their specialties. I think there was a kids meal, but I never got it. Because I was pretty big into salad bars. 

My dad worked at Sizzler for a minute and I can't tell you how proud we were to go to Sizzler when he was working. I told every other staff person THAT IS MY DAD WORKING BY YOU. Like he was a celebrity. 

Now that Sizzler is closed and has been a Fuddrucker's and a Hooters and some place with excellent breadsticks. It's something else now but I can't remember what. Basically, nothing has had the longevity like Sizzler has had in that spot.  

One time me and my friend JR went to a Sizzler when we were in college because he also loved Sizzler as a kid, and you know what? It was still as good as I remembered. I haven't been to one since then, but I'm going to hang on to those special memories.      

Why finish a book when you can stop part way in a fury of excitement and tell everyone else to read it and then lose interest and never finish it yourself?

I've got a book here in front of me. It's really good. I am on chapter four. This is the part in a book where I am really excited about it and I want to tell everyone to read it and I'm really close to not picking it up for a while or ever again. I'm not really sure why it happens, but not finishing a book seems to be my spiritual gift. I really can't tell you how many books I've recommended that I've only read half of. I'm determined to finish this one because I told my whole congregation they should read it for Lent. 

Favorite Sandwiches, Ranked.

We almost always do a teambuilder like question at our staff meetings because we are fun and like knowing each other. Today's question was: what's your favorite kind of sandwich? This was a great question for me because I love sandwiches, almost as much as I love nachos. So, here is a list of my favorite sandwiches (when I say my favorite sandwiches, they are all a turkey sandwich, just from different places):

1. Togo's. #24 (Turkey and Avocado). I fantasize about this sandwich...often. At least half of it is smushed up avocado, which is the best way. You really want the avocado to stick to everything in the sandwich, otherwise those little slippery slices just fall right out. There was a Togo's right next to the Jamba Juice I worked at in high school, so I would run over there on my 30 min lunch break and eat it in my car, which was a very luxurious lunch break to me at 16/17. Just look at this sandwich: 
   
2. Nelson's Cheese and Deli in St. Paul. Make your own sandwich with their very soft sour dough bread, turkey, mayo, mustard, jalapeños, bell peppers, spinach, avocado, onions, and olives.  
3. Potbelly's Turkey with everything except for one thing but I can't remember what it is until I see the menu. Potbelly's makes it to #3, except for not the Potbelly's in Eagan because they never believe that I want the hot peppers on it and always leave them out. I only want that sandwich because of the hot peppers. They're the giardiniera kind. I never know how to say that but I love them.
4. Me making a turkey sandwich. Here's what I would do: Sourdough bread and butter (margarine, who are we kidding) the outside and then put it in the panini maker my grandma got me for Christmas one year. Once it's all heated up, then put in mayo, mustard, avocado, spinach, bell peppers, and some pepperoncini in there. 
5. Jersey Mike's/ Jimmy John's turkey sandwich with some jalapenos and guacamole. I know these are different places but they taste exactly the same to me.
6. Davanni's turkey sandwich with the garlic butter on it, but the garlic butter always hurts my stomach, so that's why it's at the bottom of the list.
7. Subway. You know what? I actually really like subway. 

Where else do you find a good turkey sandwich? 

Halloween Costume Clara Puns

Last Halloween me and Clara dressed up as Clara-bou Coffee (and Aaron as a donut!) and I still think I'm hilarious. 

Here are some other ideas for future years:

• Clara-bou, an animal this time, not the coffee
• Clara-tin. Either dress up like a box of Claritin? OR just a big tin and then I walk up to everyone and say, "Clara- TIN! GET IT?" and then they'll respond with a half hearted, "oh, heh"
• Clarazinosaurus (like a Therizinosaurus. I only know about those because Aaron has 3 dino encyclopedias and he talks about this one a lot. MOM DID YOU KNOW THERE IS A DINOSAUR THAT HAS CLAWS AS LONG AS ME?). 
• Clarabear. That's not as cool as a clarazinosaurus, but it would be easy. Bear suit and put a little heart on her tummy?
• Clara-net. She could just put on a hair net or hold a butterfly net? That's probably easier than constructing a clarinet outfit for a toddler. 
• Clara-issa Explains it all. I'm not sure how to dress up a baby like Melissa Joan Hart though.
• Clara-tea. Like a cup of tea? I don't even know. 

Well this gets to 7 years old or so. 

What if it all works out?

One of my slogans for the year is: "what if it all works out?" You know where I got that line? From a Facebook targeted ad for this sweatshirt:

It's an okay sweatshirt. I'm not going to buy it for $30 plus shipping, but I might get it if it were at a thrift store or something? 

It's a good question though. The one on the sweatshirt. What if it all works out? 

I spend many, many, many hours (usually at like 3 am) worrying and/or thinking through scenarios that are not currently happening and very, very, very likely will NOT happen, maybe ever.

I'm not more prepared when I pre-overthink things. I just waste a bunch of time worrying and not being present in the moment OR NOT SLEEPING at the sleeping times.

So, this question has helped me a bunch this year. When I start getting all stewy, I just ask myself, "what if it all works out?" and then try to think about ways it just might.

(JUST TO BE CLEAR: I don't think saying this line actually makes everything work out. I don't believe you can just positive thinking your way into having a life without struggle, stress, loss, etc. BUT I do think I worry about stuff more than it actually happens and what if I imagined it working out instead of assuming it won't?) 

Eggstravaganza

When I searched "eggstravaganza" on the google, this popped up and it felt right.

This coming weekend every year of my childhood was the Eggstravaganza. It's like an extravaganza but with eggs. Because of Easter. We would walk like a mile with the umbrella stroller to get into the fairgrounds because this was a popular event for kids 2-7. I can't tell you how excited I was for the eggstravaganza. Here's why:

• They had two, sometimes three bounce houses (jolly jump).
• Dominos had a table and you could get pizza by the SLICE.
• Egg hunts with a golden egg. I think I found the golden egg once and maybe got a prize. I don't remember what though. One time my sister also found the golden egg but then some boy snatched it from her. She's still recovering. 
• There were all these little free games with prizes.
• The jolly jumps again. 
• I'm pretty sure the Easter Bunny was there.
• Pony rides!

One time they had this "ride" there too. It was basically a giant mouse wheel that they strapped you into and then they spun it a bunch. It seemed like a real big kid, cool kid thing to do. I was like 9 which is prime I want to be a big cool kid, so I tried it. They strapped me in with some other kid and then spun us around like 30 times. I couldn't breathe and almost threw up. It wasn't enjoyable. I think my mom even paid like $5 to let me do that. You couldn't pay me enough to do that now. 

I want to also reiterate the jolly jumps. Do you even know how fun those are when you're 7? They're just so fun. Back in my day, not every kid had bounce houses at their birthday parties. If you wanted to do a bounce house, it was at the Eggstravaganza. We'd jump until some adult would tell us that our turn was up and then get back in line to go again. 

That's basically the whole event, but it was FUN. If there's some eggstravaganza I can go to in 2022, let me know. 

The contents of my purse.

I spilled water in my purse for the like 40th time, so I decided it was okay to say that my trusty black purse with the fake leather peeling off had lived a good life and it was time to let go. I quick bought a new one via Target pick up and started cleaning out the old one this evening. Here's what I found:

• 2 of the same free notebooks.
• A couple still wet masks and gloves.
• 20ish pens. I needed both hands to hold all of them.
• My planner, with newly water stained pages.
• Some team builder question cards. Also kinda warped from the spill and the other previous spills.
• A pair of broken earrings.
• About 20 paper clips.
• An appointment card for December of 2019.
• A card from someone I like and had forgotten it was in there, so that was a fun surprise. 
• A quarter and a dirty penny.
• 3 different kinds of bars, all smushed (fiber one, lara bar, and nature valley chewy granola bar)
• A very questionable dove dark chocolate.
• 3 chapsticks
• Some random damp papers that I immediately threw away.
• A key? For? I don't know.

Two things:

1. This list says a lot about me. 

2. I should maybe spill water in my purse more often? Or just clean it for other reasons.

No one wants you to fail.

One of the first times I preached, I was in my first year of seminary and working part time at congregation doing youth ministry. I had read over my sermon like 70 times and made Jesse read through it a bunch. I got to church like two hours early and I was my-stomach-in-knots-and-heart-racing kind of nervous. One of the members came up to me and said something like, "are you ready?" and I said "yes, but I AM SO NERVOUS." He said the best advice: "No one is hoping you fail. We are all want you to do well and we are all cheering you on." 

Part of the nerves is like all the made up contempt we are worried about from people (WHAT IF THEY HATE THIS? WHAT IF I GET ALL TONGUE TIED AND THEN THEY WILL THINK I'M NOT GOOD AT THIS? WHAT IF THEY ALL LAUGH ABOUT IT ON THEIR WAY HOME?). Like, most of the time, people aren't rooting for you to fail. Most of the time people who love you are supportive? Most of the time people who are loving are not also big ol' meanie jerks waiting to bash you after you do something vulnerable. Everytime my brain gets all carried away and kind of mean I remember that people are generally hoping for the best from each other. At least in contexts like this one. The verdict's still out for politicians and stuff. 

No one wants you to fail. For sure I don't.

Business Ideas

 Here are a couple business ideas I thought of in the last 15 minutes:

• Lotion that has the pump in the bottle, except that instead of a straw that only goes halfway so that you either have to either scrape the lotion that's stuck at the bottom with the straw and wipe it on your hand or buy another bottle and set it next to the old bottle that still has a little in it but you can't get yourself to throw it away yet because like there's still lotion in it. And the marketing will be like: it's fifty cents more, but we won't trick you into buying more lotion before you need it. This could actually be a whole line with shampoo/ conditioner/ body wash/ hand soap/ etc. 
• Packaging for food that changes color when it nears its expiration date. People like me who are real anxious about foodborne illnesses won't throw away nearly as much food. And people who don't read labels and just eat everything probably won't get sick as often.  

Here's some other ones that I didn't think of in the last 15 minutes:

• College professors and well known authors would record themselves (or someone who is better at public speaking) summarizing each of their book chapters and then you could pay for the audio book summary and it would be relatively equal to the cost of a book. I'll write a separate post about that one because I want it to exist.
• Rent-a-dog. Jesse and I came up with this one together when we were in Montana. You can borrow a sweet, busy pup while hiking at state parks. Like our vision for this one is right next to the visitor center at a state park or something. Puppies get love and exercise, and people get companionship in the woods.
• Attachable cup holder that is specifically meant to hold your Nalgene in your car, stroller, movie theater, and any other place where there would already be a cup holder that's too small for your Nalgene.
• A place where you get a bunch of cool supplies to make a fort/tent. Like there would be platforms or designated areas you would rent and have access to a bunch of fun supplies for kids to make a place to hang out for the day. Jesse mostly came up with that but I've spent many hours thinking about it. There'd be a bar and also fire pits. 

If you steal any of these ideas, that's fine. Just like give me a gift card or something. 

I'm not going to wave enthusiastically, that will show them

I go for a walk every day, sometimes two or three. Usually I just walk around the neighborhood. I'm a friendly person and I like to wave at people and smile while I walk. It's a nice way to know the neighbors. Sometimes people drive by while I'm walking and I wave at them too. But depending on their speed and my interpretation of their regard for my life and the lives of my two small children that I often bring with me, my wave will be different.  If you're driving slow and move out of the way, you get an enthusiastic wave. If you are driving a little faster than I'd like, you get a wave but only a half smile. If you are going objectively and definitely too fast, I do a sort of arm lift wave with no smile. If you zoom down the street like it's a freeway, I'm not even going to wave and I will do my best to look you in the eye so you know how I feel about your speeding through a family friendly neighborhood. I expect that you know and understand these levels and will be moved to do better in the future.

 

Encanto 2: We're gonna talk about Bruno

I have a five year old, which means that one time I listened to the Encanto soundtrack for six hours straight and most days we make it through the line up at least once. We took a few weeks hiatus to listen to the Hamilton soundtrack again because apparently we only get obsessed with things Lin Manuel Miranda makes. The day we made it to six hours straight of We Don't Talk About Bruno and The Family Madrigal and the 100th time of Aaron yelling, "Alexa! Play the Encanto soundtrack!" I yelled back, "ALEXA! NO! STOP!" and then told Aaron he needed to read books silently while I shook a little. 

Anyway, I've thought about Encanto a bunch. 

If I had to pick my top five songs, they would be (in this order):

1. Surface Pressure
2. All of You (especially the part when the whole town shows up to help them)
3. Dos Oruguitas 
4. The Family Madrigal
5. We Don't Talk About Bruno

There's a lot of things we could talk about like:

1. Why Surface Pressure makes me cry every time
2. Some really good song lines
   
3. How many sermons I could come up with because of Encanto 
4. What gifts would be cool to have
5. What characters we relate to best
6. Family systems 
7. Generational trauma

I am guessing there will be a sequel, and if it's not about talking about Bruno, that seems like a real missed opportunity. They really wrapped up that storyline pretty quick at the end and I bet there's more to say about Bruno than a third of a song. 

What Encanto thoughts do you have?

Vomit

I got busy and sick and now I'm traveling and forgot to do my blog for a couple of weeks. That's okay. Let's talk about vomit now.

It's my number one fear. I'm afraid of it happening to me, I'm afraid of being around anyone who is throwing up or might throw up (including my children who I love so very much), I'm afraid of having to look at it, etc. 

The worst thing you can say to me is: I/my kid just threw up yesterday.

It's the miserable anticipation. Is it going to happen? Is it going to happen again? How many hours has it been since I was in contact with that person who I learned just threw up? And then waiting 18 hours, 24, then 36. I usually take a sigh of relief at 36 and a bigger one at 48 if it hasn't happened.

I've been afraid since I was little. In first grade, this kid, Eduardo threw up by my shoe when we were lining up to go in the class. He went to the office, and then I went a few minutes later because I was sure I was also sick. I missed the next day at school because I was so nervous. I wasn't sick.

This summer we went to the farmers market with our friends. We got some pizza from a food truck, because our farmers market is kind of cool and has food trucks. I was wrangling Clara and trying to eat dinner and talk to our friends, and wasn't suuuper paying attention to Aaron who had drank a juice box and eaten all of an adult personal pizza and was running laps with his bestie and chugging water. 3 minutes later he said, "mommy, my tummy hurts" and proceeded to vomit everywhere. My maternal instinct was to run away. I literally jumped away from him clutching Clara while he threw up all over the pavement. So now we know, I will run.

Although this fall Aaron wasn't feeling well and I was sitting on the couch with him early one morning while breastfeeding Clara. I held the bowl for him in one hand and his sister still attached to me in the other hand. I believe that I unlocked a new parent award that day. If Jesse had been in the room, I probably would have ran, but alas, he was still asleep, so I parented instead.

Here's the thing about my vomit fear actually: it's horribly vulnerable and I cannot control anything about it. Also, it's gross and it feels bad. 

Last weekend, I faced my biggest fear. I got the stomach bug at my sister's bachelorette party and got to spend the party alone in the basement bedroom throwing up in a bowl. Not only did I have to be real sick, I did it in an airbnb with people I don't know super duper well yet. That's vulnerable on top of vulnerable. And guess what? I even survived. Maybe this sickness will be part of my healing. Deep right?    

Gifts I Always Want

 Here are some gifts I always want, even if I have a zil of them:

• mugs (like fun ones or friendshippy ones, not ones that would come in a pack of 4 and match the dinner plates)
• a journal
• a candle, because they make me happy and I can't get myself to buy any more expensive than the glade ones
• gel pens
• a Target card (because basically this whole list can be found in a single section at Target) and also one hour alone to go there. 

 

Wordle is the new Farmville

I've never played Wordle. I bet it's fun. I kinda want to just because other people I know are playing it and I like to be in on things. I see at least like 15 of you every day posting your wordles on Facebook. Is that how you say it? Since I'm too tired and busy and not going to add another hobby, I want you to know that I've decided from afar that it's the new Farmville. Sorry and I love you.    

Left

This title sounds moody, like a poem I'd write in high school. It's actually just about the word "left."

Left can simultaneously mean like two opposite things. He left. He's left. (And a bonus: he's left HANDED). It's weird that one word can mean to go and stay at the same time and also that way <---

Look, you can do one sentence with a bunch of lefts in it with mostly different meanings:

I left for school and my sister was left at home; she ate my leftovers from the left side of the fridge (and now I'm left pretty mad at her).  

You know what they say...3 lefts make a right. That sentence had like 5 though. 

Snowshoeing in CA

I love snowshoeing. It's really fun. It's basically hiking but you can do it after it snows a bunch and you get to waddle in a socially acceptable way.

The first time I went snowshoeing was in California. I was in college and a few friends from places where it actually snows said, "wouldn't it be so fun if we went snowshoeing?" I said yes, obviously, without actually knowing what it was.

In Southern California you GO TO the snow. And sometimes it's not even there. I have a memory of when I was like 4 or 5 and driving up to the mountains to play in the snow and when we got there we saw it! We got out of the car and there were these tiny chunks of snow surrounded by dirt. We squealed with joy and tried to make a snowman out of them. 

This time we went up to Frazier Park and there was snow. Kind of. It was the kind of snow that has been there for a while and the paths are mostly ice. I didn't know. It looked lovely. I was ready to snowshoe on it. We went in the little visitor center where you could rent them. There were 5 of us and they had 4 pairs of actual snowshoes. BUT they had one pair of giant plastic ones as a decoration on the wall and they told me, "we'll just have you use these." I don't know if it was a mean joke or not, but if it were me, I'd only rent someone plastic shoes to walk on ice if I was kind of mean. It worked about as well as you'd expect. I trailed 10 feet behind everyone and fell every second. I finally took them off and just hiked. 

Also, it was still fun. And here are some pics (thanks FB!): 

The "I have two kids now (and one of them is a baby), also a full time job, and also it's year 47 of a pandemic" version.

I almost wasn't going to do this blog again, but then me and my sisters brainstormed a bunch of topics and now I am. Probably a little less than other years. See: the title. The question I ask myself each year when I try to decide if I'm going to do this blog again is: can you think of a bunch of things to talk about? I've yet to not have things to talk about. You already knew that.

I really like doing this blog. Here are some reasons:

• It's only 6 weeks of writing things.
• Who else has a Lenten blog, honestly?
• It's a good creative outlet and practice in vulnerability.
• I can use my preferred writing styles: fragment sentences and bullet point lists.
• It's better than scrolling the internet.
• I feel like I can bring a little randomness and (something similar to) humor to sprinkle in with constant barrage of bad news and bad news and bad news. 
• It makes me happy that my grandma reads it just about everyday. Hi grandma!! 

Here are some topics we came up with:

• foods I can't eat anymore
• fantasy coffee
• business idea that I want someone to steal
• gifts I always want
• You can't always get what you want (*see what my brain did there?)
• boundaries
• meal planning
• snow shoeing in CA
• Instagram Kelli
• I'm not going to wave enthusiastically, that will show them.
• You need an exclamation or two: a lesson in positive texting
• creativity in covidland
• It's not dead
• What if it all works out?
• ARE there any other Lent blogs? If so, a ranked order of all the Lent blogs
• Eggstravaganza
• Dinosaur names I can't pronounce 
• Encanto 2: We're gonna talk about Bruno
• I can't wait until...
• Hometown Buffet and Sizzler: Fancy dining in 1995
• TGIF + Taco Bell Picnic Parties
• Things I would have done differently in the last 2 years.
• "You just walk through a long tunnel, sit down, watch 2 movies, and then you're in California"/ Aaron explaining how to do things.
• Why finish a book when you can stop part way in a fury of excitement and tell everyone else to read it and then lose interest and never finish it yourself?
• Perfect working environment
• bad guys
• how you know you picked the right spouse.