It's my number one fear. I'm afraid of it happening to me, I'm afraid of being around anyone who is throwing up or might throw up (including my children who I love so very much), I'm afraid of having to look at it, etc.
The worst thing you can say to me is: I/my kid just threw up yesterday.
It's the miserable anticipation. Is it going to happen? Is it going to happen again? How many hours has it been since I was in contact with that person who I learned just threw up? And then waiting 18 hours, 24, then 36. I usually take a sigh of relief at 36 and a bigger one at 48 if it hasn't happened.
I've been afraid since I was little. In first grade, this kid, Eduardo threw up by my shoe when we were lining up to go in the class. He went to the office, and then I went a few minutes later because I was sure I was also sick. I missed the next day at school because I was so nervous. I wasn't sick.
This summer we went to the farmers market with our friends. We got some pizza from a food truck, because our farmers market is kind of cool and has food trucks. I was wrangling Clara and trying to eat dinner and talk to our friends, and wasn't suuuper paying attention to Aaron who had drank a juice box and eaten all of an adult personal pizza and was running laps with his bestie and chugging water. 3 minutes later he said, "mommy, my tummy hurts" and proceeded to vomit everywhere. My maternal instinct was to run away. I literally jumped away from him clutching Clara while he threw up all over the pavement. So now we know, I will run.
Although this fall Aaron wasn't feeling well and I was sitting on the couch with him early one morning while breastfeeding Clara. I held the bowl for him in one hand and his sister still attached to me in the other hand. I believe that I unlocked a new parent award that day. If Jesse had been in the room, I probably would have ran, but alas, he was still asleep, so I parented instead.
Here's the thing about my vomit fear actually: it's horribly vulnerable and I cannot control anything about it. Also, it's gross and it feels bad.
Last weekend, I faced my biggest fear. I got the stomach bug at my sister's bachelorette party and got to spend the party alone in the basement bedroom throwing up in a bowl. Not only did I have to be real sick, I did it in an airbnb with people I don't know super duper well yet. That's vulnerable on top of vulnerable. And guess what? I even survived. Maybe this sickness will be part of my healing. Deep right?
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