Eat this, not that.

That's the name of book I that I haven't read. From the cover and skimming through it once, here's what I gather it's about- suggestions of things to eat in place of the super good but also super bad for you things, that maybe aren't quite as delicious, but also not as ineffective as denying yourself all the things you want. 

It's a helpful concept, because we aren't great at denying ourselves things. Take for instance asking the population to take several precautions for the sake of the community during a global pandemic. 

Early into the pandemic there was an article about cautioning people against the all or nothing attitude to risk-taking. They harkened back to the AIDS epidemic and how promoting abstinence only as the mitigation tactic just wasn't effective. But teaching people what they could do instead that would be significantly less risky for transmission was the game changer.

If I were going to write that book, it would actually be pretty short. Basically the "this" instead of the "that" would be do something similar, just outside or maybe online.

• Want to hang out with your friends? Just go outside (put on 12 coats if you have to!) and keep the distance that your not touchy-feeling introverted friend has always wanted you to have. 
• Go to a restaurant? Pick it up and eat outside. Eat at a not busy patio. Take it home and light a candle on your table and dress up... or wear your sweats like you actually want to.  
• Want to just go somewhere? Go somewhere outside where you won't be in crowds. Beach (sometimes), hiking, the MN Zoo when it's 0 degrees and just stay outside- you can even have the zoo all to yourself! Go for a walk, sledding, swimming, the park, whatever, just do it outside and enjoy the beautiful world you get to live in. And don't lick strangers. For so many other reasons besides a pandemic.
• Playing games with friends and it's too cold to pull that off outside or you live across the country and could only see each other with a ton of travel? Invest in some jackbox games and play over zoom. Every week. For a year! (or as often as you deem right for your people)

Basically this is a list of how I have continued to both stay sane and keep making choices that are less risky for my family and my neighbors. It's not 0 risk, but it's significantly less. Just like I'd much rather eat a giant piece of chocolate cake than the individual dove chocolates from my freezer, it's better than nothing. One day I'll be able to hug my family and my friends and invite everyone to my house and we can share food and travel and all the things. In the meantime, I'll be outside, finding some joy how I can right now.  

  
• 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Give it up for Lent! or don't.

Whenever someone says, "give it up for lent" in my head I imagine some kind of scene like this: an announcer yelling, "ladies and gentlemen, give it up for LENNNTTT" and Lent comes out giving high fives and smiling and feigning humility, etc. (it's wild in my brain). 

I used to give up something for Lent every year. It was basically a diet plan/ new year's resolution for the Lord, because I'd give up one of the following: candy, dessert, soda. fast food, and in more recent years limiting screen time, etc.

This year, I've heard a bunch of people joke, "I've given up enough already." Honestly, that's how I feel too after a year in this pandemic. Don't hear that too dramatically. People have given up far more than I have throughout their lifetimes and also throughout these last 12 months. But also, I am pretty tired and the idea of taking more things away just for discipline's sake just doesn't work this time. 

This year, it feels more holy (or some better word for what I'm trying to communicate) and more helpful for my faith and life to focus on the kinds of things I can add that bring joy and gratitude. I don't mean quit being cautious and stop making sacrifices for the sake of keeping people around me safe and healthy, I mean finding joy and gratitude in the things I CAN do right now, and specifically making time to do the things that I can do that make me happy. I'll write some other post about what I think those things are tomorrow or one day soon. 

So anyway, "give it up for Lent!" Or don't.      

Pregnancy Cravings

Pregnancy cravings are really weird and unlike any other food cravings I've had. It's sort of all consuming. The other day I wanted donuts so bad I almost drove around town to find a place that would sell me a donut at 9pm. The only place that seemed like a viable option was a gas station and I bet they'd be pretty stale from sitting out all day (and not that great to begin with?). So, I gave up. Jesse went out and got me donuts a couple days later and they were exactly as satisfying as my brain said they'd be. It's weird because I don't even like donuts that much. Back when we could do church inside and hang out with all our church people and eat donuts every week, I never had one. Really I don't even think I had ONE. 

Here's a pic of some Puffy Cream donuts in Eagan.
They're the best and the ones that tasted like heaven a week ago.

I never stop being hungry when I'm growing a human, and especially in the middle of the night I'll wake up really hungry. If I'm smart, I get a snack and go back to bed. If I'm too tired to get up, I just think about foods I want to eat and fantasize about getting to eat them later that day. I even did that a little bit a few minutes ago. Someone posted a link to a restaurant and I spent like 10 minutes looking over the menu and thinking about how delicious it would be if I picked up a pancake breakfast in the morning. I ate dinner like an hour ago. I don't know, it's weird. 

Here were my food cravings with Aaron:

• Taco Bell (I never gave in and ate it, but I fantasized about it often)
• Enchiladas
• A very specific piece of chocolate cake that I imagined often. That started after I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes, so it's hard to know if that was just a pregnancy craving or also because I knew I couldn't have it. And I didn't the rest of the pregnancy. I just thought about it every day from November to January. The day Aaron was born, my sisters went to several restaurants looking for the chocolate cake of my dreams. They found one and it was everything I hoped for and more.
• Meat, except chicken. Chicken made me want to throw up for half of the pregnancy. We were visiting some friends and stopped at the store to get some food to grill for dinner. We got to the meat counter and I literally started salivating over raw meat. It was so weird and gross to me now.

Here are my food cravings with this one:

• Donuts, especially raised ones, but I would eat just about any donut right now.
• Ice cream (I found some low carb non dairy stuff that seems slightly healthier and the baby's okay with that, though they'd probably like the real stuff better).
• Fruit. I usually don't really like fruit. Or sweet things in general (besides chocolate), but that's all this kid wants apparently. It's going to be great when I get diagnosed with GD again soon.
• A friend talked about hamburgers the other day and I super wanted that afterward. That seems to be a one time thing though. It was almost dinner.
• Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich AND fries
• I wanted a lot of Chinese food in the beginning, but that seems to have run it's course now. Fried rice still sounds really good though.
• Crunchy tacos. 
• Soup that is really hot. Like almost burns your tongue hot.

I'm sure I had more cravings with Aaron, but I don't really remember now. Obviously I am more than aware of all the foods I want to eat every second these days. 

And, now I'm going to eat a popcycle. 

Charlie's Angels

Cal Lutheran goes all out for freshman orientation. When I was a new student we had a week of mixers, games, hiking, various gatherings and several events where you'd come out with a free t-shirt. We did a fair amount of things in our orientation class (freshmen seminar maybe?), and one of those things was to put together a skit to be performed for the rest of the new freshmen class. I'm real shy. And I nervous laugh. And I'm kinda awkward. My role in our skit (which I have no idea what it was about now) was to be one of Charlie's Angels. I think the reboot was kind of cool then. Anyway, to really go all out for my character, I did a sweet kick while saying my line. But it was nighttime and the stage was kind of damp from the moisture in the air, so I slipped, flipped around, and landed on my stomach, spread eagle somehow. For like a week while trying to meet people, people would say, "oh you're that girl who really fell, huh?" Ummhmm. 

That same night there was some other event and I got pretty cold. I didn't have a sweatshirt with me and some guy noticed I was kind of shivery. So he let me borrow his sweatshirt. But there were a bunch of people and I lost him, and I didn't know his name to be able to return it. But, I know that guy now. I'm almost positive it was him at least. He's the husband of one of my besties. But by the time we were all friends, I had already given the sweatshirt to my mom, and then she got rid of it, and I never told him. Sorry Dave, I cannot return your black CLU sweatshirt. This is my confession.

...and go!

There's a certain kind of post that makes me real cringy. It's when people add "... and go!" to some topic, and make it like a race. For example:

• Favorite recipes... and go!
• Music I should be listening to right now... and go!

It's not the "and go" in and of itself that makes me cringy. I mean, a little. But it's really cringy when it's used in obscure topics that no one is excited about answering, let alone ready to fight each other to be the first to tell you. Things like:

• Nasal decongestants you use... and go!
• Recipes with broccoli... and go!

You know at graduations how some people get these giant cheers/applause/fog horns and then some people don't? And every now and then someone walks up and they put their arms out and they're ready for this giant reception and instead it's like a lone mom quietly yelling, "yay." It's kinda like that.

Alright your turn. Weird pet peeves you have... and go! 

I cringed. At myself.  

  

Do you look at yourself on Zoom?

Here are some random thoughts and questions regarding this important question:

• I learned you can hide the screen that shows your face, so you don't have to look at yourself the whole meeting. This is helpful for vanity or the opposite of vanity. 
• But sometimes it IS helpful to look at your face every now and then. Because like, what if you have food in your teeth? You know what, that's a bad example, because I actually was in a bigger zoom workshop (like 100+ people I didn't know) the other day and could see my face, and I STILL didn't notice that I had a giant black bean covering a whole tooth until after the call was done. And I spoke during this meeting. And it was recorded. 
• Here's one actual good reason: because of looking at my face while on zoom, I learned that I kinda glare when I'm thinking. If you've watched me think, you already knew that. But, it turns out I did not watch myself think regularly, so I did not know. So now, sometimes I leave my screen up during meetings so I can make sure I'm smiling more than think glaring.
• If you don't hide your face, it is actually possible not to look at yourself 50% of the time, or more? Is it and me asking this just announces that I am indeed vain? 
• You can tell what people look at themselves throughout a meeting. It isn't a mirror. I can see you fixing your hair and/or subtly smiling at yourself even. Although, when I'm hanging out with friends on zoom, I DO use it as a mirror and I DO fix my hair. I don't think I smile at myself, but you'll have to tell me.
• Somewhat related, you can also tell what people aren't looking at ANY faces on zoom, just scrolling the internet. Their eyes move all over the place and the new screen makes their face light up. 

Fahoo Fores

We did an outside Ash Wednesday service on Wednesday. It was 10 degrees. There was a campfire, but it was still 10 degrees. AND PEOPLE CAME. Some of us were even outside for like an hour and a half. We didn't put any ashes on anyone's forehead. We wore masks and kept distance. It was 10 degrees. Even still, it was so lovely. We sang songs about faith and hope and prayed and caught up with each other. At one point someone jokingly started singing, "fahoo fores, dahoo dores, welcome Christmas," but you know what? It really WAS like that magical scene from The Grinch. 

I hate this pandemic. I hate all of the things that it's stolen from us over the last almost year. I hate that it isn't safe yet to be inside with my church people and have coffee and donuts with them and watch kids running around playing with each other. But you know what? It's these simple moments over the last almost year that change something for me. The simplicity of being together and singing about hope despite all of the elements, the still showing up for each other, the still being committed to each other, that's the whole thing. That is everything I love about church. That IS church. And a lot like after the Grinch took everyone's presents and people could still sing.

I hope I don't forget that.

Want to see how many times I've taken a picture of the same pond?

I go for a walk every day. Most of my walks are around the neighborhood, and my one-ish mile route takes me to the park with a little pond. I always walk around the pond, and it's always pretty to me. And when I see something pretty, I want to take a picture of it. 

Here's all the pics of the pond since I've lived here (it's not actually ALL of them because some days I took like 7 pics- so just I just picked my fav one for those days... it's still a lot).