Fav Office Quotes

I sent my besties this quote from The Office earlier today:

Dwight Schrute:            Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check-in time in now, check-out time is never.

Jim Halpert:     Does my room have cable?

Dwight Schrute:            No. And the sheets are made of fire.

Jim Halpert:     Can I change rooms?

Dwight Schrute:            Sorry we're all booked up. Hell convention in town.

Jim Halpert:     Can I have a late check-out?

Dwight Schrute:            I'll have to talk to the manager.

Jim Halpert:     You're not the manager, even in your own fantasy?

Dwight Schrute:            I'm the owner.. the co-owner. With Satan!

Jim Halpert:     Okay, just so I understand it. In your wildest fantasy, you are in hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil.

Dwight Schrute:            But I haven't told you my salary yet.

Jim Halpert:     Go.

Dwight Schrute:            Eighty thousand dollars.

It’s my favorite quote from the show. The Office quotes always make me happy, so here’s some more of my favorite ones:

Michael: Yes. Thank you, Pam. How about Angela makes the poster into a t-shirt, which Oscar wears. That way, he can never see it and whenever she looks at Oscar, she can see it. Win/win/win.

Michael Scott: The meeting isn't until three, but I always like to come a little early. This is where I do my haunts. Oh, look! [points to a Sbarro's] My favorite New York pizza place. I'm going to go get me a New York slice!

One time, Johanna and I took a pic in front of a Sbarro in NY in honor of this episode

Michael Scott: Well, big deal! I worked in a warehouse. Men's Wearhouse. I was a greeter.

Ryan:   A few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and my cousin, Mufasa, was um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeasts and um, we all took it really hard. All of us kind of in the audience, of what happened.

Michael Scott: Do you wanna talk about it anymore?

Ryan:   Oh it would probably take an hour and half to tell that whole story.

Michael Scott to Toby: I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.

And this whiteboard:

Michael: It’s whoever, not whomever.

Ryan: No, it’s whomever…

Michael: No…whomever is never actually right.

Jim: Well, sometimes it’s right.

Creed: Michael is right. It’s a made-up word used to trick students.

Andy: No. Actually, whomever is the formal version of the word.

Oscar: Obviously, it’s a real word, but I don’t know when to use it correctly.

Michael (to the camera): Not a native speaker.

Kevin: I know what’s right, but I’m not gonna say because you’re all jerks who didn’t come see my band last night.

Ryan: Do you really know which one is correct?

Kevin: I don’t know.

Pam: It’s whom when it’s the object of the sentence and who when it’s the subject.

Phyllis: That sounds right.

Michael: Well, it sounds right, but is it?

Stanley: How did Ryan use it, as an object?

Ryan: As an object…

Kelly: Ryan used me as an object.

Michael Scott: I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!!!!

(later)

Oscar:  Hey, I just wanted you to know, that you can't just say the word bankruptcy and expect anything to happen.

Michael Scott: I didn't say it, I declared it.

Oscar:  Still.. that's.. it's not anything.

Michael: In the future, when I want to say something funny or witty or do an impression, I will no longer ever do any of those things.

Jim: Does that include "that's what she said"?

Michael: Uh, yes.

Jim: Wow, that's really hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling.

Michael: That's what she said!

Michael Scott: Oh, how the turntables

Michael: Toby is in HR. Which, technically, means he works for corporate. So he's really not a part of our family. Also he's divorced. So he's really not a part of his family.

Michael: What are you doing? [“Goodbye My Lover” by James Blunt plays]

Dwight: [putting things into a box] We are getting rid of everything that reminds you of Carol.

Andy: Hey, what’s the haps? [Dwight shuts door in his face.]

Michael: Carol?

Dwight: Oh, look at this. [looks through papers] Your old condo closing papers. It’s riddled with Carol’s name. I wish I could throw this in the box. [Michael hits repeat to “Goodbye My Lover” on computer]

Dwight: Why don’t you just buy the whole song?

Michael: I don’t have to buy it. I just want to taste it. I just… I just want a little taste of it.

Dwight: Oh, look at this, she saved you two thousand dollars ’cause they failed to report a mold problem. [Continues to sift through papers] But wouldn’t that affect the final… How did she? Oh, oh, I see what she did. That is good. Wow. Carol is one smart cookie.

Michael: [singing] Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. [hits repeat again]

Ryan: Kelly.

 Kelly: Oh, hello Ryan. You look well.

 Ryan: I wanted to say I'm sorry... for treating you bad the past couple years. I was in my mid twenties and I was going through a lot of stuff. I think I never fully processed 9/11.

Michael: Pam?

Pam: Yeah?

Michael: Did you see Oprah yesterday?

Pam: No, I didn’t.

Michael: I, uh… I am going to be a father.

Pam: What was Oprah about?

Michael: Angelina Jolie was on. And she adopted a baby from Asia, and she said that it changed her life. And that really inspired me. So, I want you to look into seeing how much a little Chinese baby would cost.

Pam: That’s a really big decision.

Michael: I know.

Pam: Maybe you should wait before you adopt.

Michael: Well…

Pam: Or not adopt.

Michael: Just do it, okay?

Pam: Roy’s sister looked into it, and the application alone costs a thousand dollars.

Michael: Um… find out if there’s a cheaper, less expensive baby out there, okay?

Pam: You know, she also said the waiting list is like eight months.

Michael: Eight months?

Pam: Yeah.

Michael: I don’t even know if I’ll want a baby in eight months

Pam: And I feel God in this Chili's tonight.

There are so many more, but I took too much time trying to read through a million quotes to find my favorite ones. There are  lot of good quotes and I got to relive most of the seasons again. Skipped most of 5 because it's terrible. Then I decided to save some time by just using my brain and looking up the ones I already knew I liked.

What's your fav. office quote?