3 Min Blog About Wasting Time

I'm tired. Very tired. Every day around dinner time I get slammed with a wave of exhaustion. It sounds like I'm complaining. I don't think I am, it's just the truth. 

I got home from church tonight and took a shower and proceded to sit on my bed looking at FB with 0 interest in it for like 20 minutes (it might have been more but I'm not willing to acknowledge if it was more) because I was too tired to get up and do anything else. I read the comments section of an MPR article without reading the actual article. Which is the worst way to read the comment section. 

So, I'm going to take approx 3 mins to write the rest of this.

When I'm real tired I waste a lot of time. I go to bed later when I'm tired. Because I'm too tired to get up and do hard things like brush my teeth or put on pjs or walk down the hall. 

Every night for the last 8.5 years or so I've asked Jesse if he would carry me to bed. He always says no. So, when you think about it, it's his fault.

Don't think about it too long.

Some funny things Aaron said in the last 24 hours

I'm too pregnant for this blog. I basically want to go to sleep during dinner now. I don't remember being this tired with Aaron, but I also didn't have a 4 year old Aaron running around or also a full time job, so there are some explanations.

Anyway, my brain isn't very creative tonight, so here's some things Aaron said in the last 24 hours or so that made me lol:

Here was a conversation from yesterday:

(picks up empty egg carton)

Aaron: We gotta hang on to this, Mom! Because we're growing EGGS!

Me: Oh wow, we're growing eggs?

Aaron: (confused) ya, you said we are growing eggplant? These are for the eggs!

Tonight's jokes:

Mom, let me tell you I joke I made.

Okay.

What does a meercat drink?

I don't know, what?

Blood.

Dad, you wanna hear a joke (whispers to me: it's going to be the same joke but this time with a frog)

What does a frog drink?

What?

Blood.

What does a bat drink?

Blood?

No, it drinks hair! 

That last one wasn't as funny, but it was surprising.

Here's one more cute one:

Me: We're having spaghetti for dinner tonight.

Aaron: I love basketti! Basketti starts with B, Baa-sketti!

There were definitely more, but I already forgot!

The internet in 2004-2005ish.

Here's my experience of the internet then:

• I had heard of wifi, but I didn't really understand how it worked. It didn't matter anyway, I had a desktop.
• MySpace was new and the best. My friend Dana visited me in my dorm room and said, "you've got to set up an account on MySpace" and then proceded to make me an account. She's now responsible for many hours I spent editing the layout of my page, figuring out how to send my friends glittery pictures that announced our friendship, picking the perfect song to be the background music on my page, ridiculous photoshoots to add, internet stalking boys I liked, subsequent fights with boys I liked over stupid things they posted to other girls, and the painstaking precision of choosing my "top 8."   
• Sometime in 2005 my college got added to Facebook, so I added one of those too. It was cool. Not as cool as MySpace though. 
• AOL Instant Messenger was the primary tool I used to communicate with my friends. My AIM screenname was Shortstuuf. I regularly left away messages that included Fall Out Boy lyrics to communicate my mood and my daily schedule so people would know where to find me and know when I was free to hang out with them.
• I never would have imagined that the internet could be on my phone one day. That was just for calling people, short text messages, and playing snake.
• My friends were downloading music from Napster and then burning it on CDs. I was too guilty to do it (it wasn't legal, right?) and also too scared of getting a computer virus.

Breakthrough

I've had this post in my head for a while. It seems deep to me, but it probably really isn't. 

A story generally follows a pattern: building of tension, conflict, climax/peak, resolution/ relief. We are people who are interested in stories, we make meaning out of stories, our lives are like unfolding stories, and we are all bound up in one giant story. But also, so much of life around us seems to follow this pattern. This struggle that reaches a peak and then breaks forth into something new. Here's a list I was thinking about one time:

• Any song worth listening to.
• Social change (injustice- conflict- building of tension until a breaking point which sometimes is the moment of change) (and also- the tension of the status quo has to be great enough for us to want to act at all)
• Emotions (builds intensity until release of tears or screams or breath and afterward our feelings often change) 
• related to the last one- emotional transformation (if we can actually sit through the really uncomfortable, painful feelings, and the intensity that can feel like too much for some, I want to believe we actually can breakthrough to something else. I heard somebody say once recently something like, "I thought it was a breakdown, but it's actually a break THROUGH)
• Sex (and literally leads to life)
• Development of relationships (building of tension, conflict, climax of the fight or conflict, new understanding, new place in relationship)
• Growing/learning/unlearning 
• Childbirth
• Exercise/ muscles growing
• A good sermon
• Plants that get strong enough to break through the dirt and bloom.
• Change in seasons  (calm, growth, life, the most beautiful time of the year with color and vibrancy, death)

Here's my deepish thought- we were created with this pattern built into us? Was life created with this pattern built into it? Is struggle the evidence of life about to breakthrough?  

Eeyore

Aaron's been real big into Winnie the Pooh this week. Real big. We listened to the soundtrack of one of the movies about 700 times. Zooey Deschanel sings in most of the songs, so it's not too bad actually. The first few hundred times at least. 

Anyway, for family movie night tonight we watched another Winnie the Pooh movie that we hadn't seen yet- it was the piglet one. And, I have some thoughts about Eeyore. 

I don't think I noticed this before, but Eeyore is pretty much homeless. The rest of his friends have these cool looking houses and Eeyore has a house that he made out of sticks and they fall over half the time. And while they all love him, include him, let him be who he is and show up how he wants to/can show up, it's kind of weird that they never see if he needs some help building a house that won't fall over or keep him warm when it's pouring rain or snowing. 

In the movie tonight there's this big scene where Piglet singlehandedly rebuilds Eeyore's house just like it was- sticks propped up against each other. They all commend Piglet and name Eeyore's house "Pooh's Corner" and then they cram inside and Eeyore says something like, "well it's pretty tight, but I think it will do." It's snowing outside and Eeyore's legs barely fit inside. And after they all give him a bear hug, they're probably going back to their houses with beds. 

I feel like there could be comparisons about the way that we often help people (and then commend ourselves afterward), but then this would definitely be more than 10% serious. 

I also wonder if Eeyore's struggles would be less if he had a warm house to live in. 

Also, I know they're all stuffed animals.

I still really love my job.

Today was the most "normal" church day I've had in a while. I mean, it was still very different because of covid, but way more normal-ly.

• I volunteered at The Open Door's fundraiser in our parking lot, welcoming people who drove up ready to pick up their soup and fun bowl. I talked to other volunteers and got to see several church people who were also volunteering or there to support the fundraiser- people who I haven't gotten to see in such a long time.
• Ate lunch with a few of my coworkers (real spread out).
• Had in impromptu conversation about grief with another volunteer.
• We had a special service for a handful of people who don't have the access for the online worship service. 
• While we recorded our Holden Evening Prayer service, some of the volunteers from the fundraiser were finishing cleaning up, so I could hear voices outside the sanctuary. Apparently that's a thing I miss and didn't realize it until tonight.
• We had youth group outside and the kids were thoughtful and funny and filled me with gratitude.

I got home and told Jesse it was one of the best days I've had in a while. It turns out I still really really love my job. It's not that I haven't continued loving my job during the pandemic. There has been joy and gratitude, and holy moments throughout this year. But my real job- the connecting with people, the impromptu sharing of life, the thoughtful and holy conversations with other people- I still really love that. Especially the super busy days like today that leave me pretty exhausted. I've missed this grateful physically tired feeling.

One day when it is safer to gather and do church the way we all long to, and go back to busy days with lots of things and people, it's really good to know that I still really love my job. 

I didn't read that book or know for sure what you're talking about, BUT...

...I WILL contribute to this conversation, somehow. 

That's probably the whole post. I don't run out of words. If there's a conversation near me, sure, I'll be in it! Do I need to know for sure what you're talking about? Nah. I'll wing it. Hopefully there will be enough context clues to find an opening to join in. I usually have an opinion. Is it a book I've never read or a movie I've never seen? Well, harder, but I could probably offer some words anyway. 

I'm more thoughtful than this post would suggest. But also, I do really like to talk. And not knowing enough to contribute to the conversation does not always stop me from contributing to the conversation. 

 

Funny things Aaron says this year

I wrote a post in 2019 and 2020 with cute things Aaron used to say if you want to go back and see them.

He's a big four year old now and so the cute and silly things he says are different now. Mostly he just sounds like a little grown up who sometimes uses words out of context. I never remember to write the funny or clever things down, so here's some things I remember off the top of my head:

• The other day he said, "mom, I had a wedgy today, and I just couldn't defeat it." I mean, it sort of works, but not quite.
• He regularly says, "You've got to be kidding me!" He said it to me last week when I hadn't seen him in a few days and I kept kissing him on the cheek. 
• We get in "I love you" wars where we try to say that we love each other more. "I love you 68 hundred 73!" "I love you as big as this house!" He's the sweetest boy I ever knew.
• He has some real quick wit that I couldn't be more proud of. This isn't the best example, but it's one I can remember- last night at bedtime I told him to tell his brain to tell his legs to stop wiggling (someone gave me that tip recently), and his response was, "Oh, well that's good, because I speak leg." and then proceeded to speak jibberish to his legs.  
• Last night he also wondered if butter came from butterflies. It's a fair question. Why ARE they named butterflies if they have nothing to do with butter?
• "I'm okay!!!" as a regular refrain to falling and wiggling into things. 
• Tonight at dinner he said exasperatedly, "Umm is there anyone here who can get me a napkin?" He regularly asks just me and Jesse if there's *anyone* who can help him with something.
• In response to, "what did you do today?" his #1 response is, "I'm not going to tell you," like a little teenager.
• "She telled me that," "I runned to you," "He readed it to me." 

He's a genuinely funny kid who cracks me up every day. His delivery and drama is what does it, which you can't read in a blog post. But one day, we'll see more humans again regularly and so many of you will get to hear his lil quips and stories and perfect ridiculousness.   

 

Office Character Percentages

We were talking about what Office characters we were like before church today (everyone prepares for worship differently). Later today I spent more time than I'm proud of deciding what characters I'm like and what percentages of each. Here's the breakdown I think I've landed on:

• 52% Pam, because I want to believe I'm a mostly endearing form of awkward and would definitely keep candy on my desk for friendship.
• 15% Michael, because I want people to like me and/or "be afraid of how much they love me"
• 10% Jim, because I'm kinda funny occasionally and because I aspire to come up with a prank as clever as that one time he sent a fax to Dwight from Future Dwight.
• 10% Erin, she's pretty bubbly and I'm like that about 10% of the time,
• 8% Andy, for regularly talking about how awesome college is and randomly singing when people don't really want me to.
• 4% Kelly, for no real reason except that I 100% want to be best friends with Mindy Kaling in real life. 
• 1% Dwight, because I watched Battlestar Galactica one time.

What's your Office character breakdown?

Things I pretend so I can cope with winter

Well, it's warming up now, so I don't need to pretend AS much. BUT, when I start getting sick of winter and snow and coats I just start pretending it isn't cold out. Here's how I do it:

• Put on more clothes than I need so that half way through my walk I get real warm. If I squint (a lot) and use my childhood imagination (a lot), the snow can partially transform into a sandy beach. I've never worn a parka and snow pants on sandy beach before, but I know vaguely what it would feel like now if I did. The first day above 0 in February, it was sunny, and I wore all the things, and half way through my walk I legitimately thought: "we should grill tonight." It was 8 degrees. 
• Sit in front of the fireplace with a tank top on. Part of what I hate about winter is that I hate wearing winter clothes. I really just want to wear a tank top and jeans. That's all I ever want to wear. Now that we have a fireplace, I just do that, and pretend the living room is hot like it would be if it were hot outside.
• Start trying on my old summer clothes or occassionally buying some new spring/summer clothes as if I'm going to wear them anytime soon. 
• When I'm not pregnant or in the middle of a pandemic, I go to the gym and use the eliptical for all of 15-20 mins and then I sit in the hot tub and steam room for a while and pretend I'm on some kind of warm vacation. 

  

  I refuse to smile when my eyelashes are covered in ice.

My real coping mechanism that I only started this year is to actually try to enjoy winter, see the beauty, be outside and play. It worked for the month of January, which is significantly longer than any other year I've lived here. My other one is to complain with people. I've met a lot of neighbors and friends while bemoaning the winter.

What do you do?