How I'll replace this time.

I always like doing this blog during Lent. It's kind of fun for me. This year I liked it even more, because it gave me something else to think about during this pandemic. But, it's a Lent blog, and technically it's not even Lent anymore today (happy Easter), so it's time to quit for the year. Lent might be over, but the pandemic isn't, so here's a list of things I plan to do with this free time:

1. Read books. Possibly, even the stack of books I took home from my office that are still sitting downstairs.
2. Continue to fall asleep tucking Aaron into bed. Tonight I slept for 30 mins in his tiny toddler bed.
3. Do some puzzles. A kind family from church let us borrow some because buying a puzzle during a pandemic is up there with trying to buy toilet paper. 
4. Maybe go to bed before 11:30. But, maybe not. I barely even know what day of the week it is let alone have some semblence of an adult life schedule.
5. More zoom game nights with friends and family. Why we weren't always doing this, I have no idea.
6. Finish watching Jane the Virgin and also, How I Met Your Mother (again)
7. Do some kind of artistic, crafty, creative thing. Actually I know me, what I will actually do is look at the various supplies I have to do such a thing, think about things I could make, go on Pinterest to get some ideas, accidentally look at FB, accidentally look at FB too long, decide it's too late to pull things out and make something.
8. Set some time limits on FB again and actually do things that matter. :-)
9. Have a campfire outside once it's spring again.
10. Do the free Lifetime yoga vids that I still haven't done, but told other people about.
11. I just joined some kind of wine club for the pandemic (and because I found a $100 voucher), so I'll probably sit outside and drink a wine and think about how sad it is that I can't hear as many airplanes this year.
12. Write some cards to people I like. Leave them on a table because I don't have stamps. Text those people and tell them that I made them cards and will send them eventually. 
13. Organize stuff? Think about organizing stuff?
14. Play board games with Jesse.
15. Watch all the vid messages from my friends that I'm always behind on, and maybe I will stop being behind on them.

 

Unlimited Whys

Aaron's three. He loves to ask why. Like all the other three year olds. I thought maybe we had already gone through the why phase at some point when he was two, but I was wrong. We're here. Now that he's home from daycare AND we are home, home, and home, I get asked why even more. Sometimes he is genuinely curious about things and I like to answer those whys. Sometimes I think he enjoys making me a little twitchy, which is probably genetic. Both my dad and I were born with this gift, the enjoyment of irritating people we love. Well, Aaron asks why a lot. Sometimes I am just too tired of the question that I say, "I don't know." But here's something to reflect on, I say, "I don't know" even when honestly, I DO know. When Jesse gets too tired of the question, he just makes up an answer. And that's a difference between men and women (and a sweeping generalization that may or may not be true- I don't know 😉).

Frozen 2 Soundtrack

I love Frozen 2. I was super excited when it was released on Disney+ early because I assumed he'd want to watch it all the time. He's only watched it like a half of a time. But honestly, it's more for parents than it is for kids I think. He was getting pretty antsy by the end and there are some pretty
heavy themes that he was just too little to understand.

We HAVE listened to the soundtrack 6 million times though. And some of those times are because Aaron asked for me to play it. I'm only mostly kidding, but a little bit not kidding. One time I dropped Aaron off at Grandma and Grandpa's so Jesse and I could be with friends over New Year's. It was snowing like crazy and the one hour drive to my in-laws took two each way. We listened to the Frozen 2 soundtrack the whole way... but then I listened to it the whole way back, by myself. Mostly I was just belting "Show Yourself" with Adina. I sang it so many times that the next day I lost my voice. I kept trying to convince all of my friends that I wasn't sick, because I knew exactly why I didn't have a voice, but I also didn't want to tell them why I didn't have a voice, so that was tricky.

There are like 6 songs that they sing in the movie:

The lullaby Elsa and Anna's mom sing to them which is haunting and beautiful.

Some Things Never Change- which I like because it's nostalgic and I love nostalgia.

Into the Unknown- which is beautiful and I think is generally how I feel when my life gets too static and easy and I feel this call to complicate it.

Lost in the Woods- Kristoff's power ballad about how lost he feels without Anna. It reminds me of some kind of combo of Reo Speedwagon, Journey and Richard Marx. It's great for that reason alone, but then like everyone else, I just love that for once that vulnerable, I'm lost without you song, comes from the dude.

Show Yourself- this is obviously my fav song on the soundtrack. I wouldn't have sang it for a couple hours if I didn't like it. Here's why I think it's beautiful: Elsa always feels a little on the outside because she's different from everyone else, but she hears this voice and hopes that maybe it's someone who understands her/ some who is like her. She starts off the song by telling the voice that she's been waiting to meet this person- "they're the one she's been waiting for all of her life." She tells the voice to "show yourself" but throughout the song, she is actually the one who is showing more of herself, and stepping into who she is and her power. But the line that gets me is when a memory/spirit/something of her mom sings with her and says "YOU are the one you've been waiting for" and Elsa joins in, "all of my life." I just think that's lovely and like, it speaks to my soul.

The Next Right Thing- also a beautiful and heavy song. Anna believes Elsa is dead and she feels like she's drowning in grief. Instead of looking too far ahead and wondering how she's going to make it without her big sister, she is determined that she will do "the next right thing" and just keep doing that. That seems to be the only way any of us move forward in grief.

So, we don't listen to the soundtrack as much anymore because we (I) definitely wore it out already, but there are some good things in there. 

Funny Things Aaron Says, now

Just about a year ago I wrote this post: Funny Things Aaron Says

He's a super good talker now now that he's a big "free year old" and he still says funny/cute things. Here's some things I can think of off the top of my head:

• 3= free
• "Did you even REALIZE that?"
• About 8 times during dinner: "Mom, I love you." while leaning his head and giving me a sweet cheesy smile.
• "Mooooommmm! Mommmmmmm!" What? "I don't have anything to tell you."
• He said this to my sis a couple of days ago: "You can use 'suppose' in a lot of ways! Liiiiiike I suppose you shouldn't bring along your real axe so you don't chop off your friends' heads."
• Earlier this week he said this to me: "Sometimes hope is hiding in the darkness." It was a quote from one of his books but I think my mouth still dropped a little.
• Randomly inserting book quotes into normal conversation.
• Randomly inserting a bunch of made up words into normal conversation.
• Licorice is "lick-ma-griff"
• Awesome kid logic. I was teaching him his right and left. I showed him the make an L with your fingers. I showed him the one on the left is an L, so that's how you know it's left. He said this to my sister about his left hand: "This hand makes an L, it's right (as in correct). So, this is right."
• Very seriously: "I hafta do my work."
• When given a choice between two things he doesn't really want: "nofing!"
• This conversation that happens at least once a week: "Mom, do you like cheese?" "I do, but I'm allergic. It hurts my tummy." "But you liiiiike it?" "I do, but it doesn't like me back." "Ya, I'm allergic to vegetables, they don't like me back."
• "We've never done this in a looooonnng time."
• "I haven't had this in AGES."
• "What did you said?"
• "She doos that."
• "To infinity and beyonnn!!!" 
• "Hi, I'm Buzz, you're Zurg." "I'm Anna, you're Elsa." "I'm Woody, you're Bo Peep." "I'm David, you're GOLIAFF" "I'm Owlette and you're Catboy" etc.
• While playing David and Goliath: "Goliaff, I love you." while leaning his head and giving me a cheesy smile.
• When I tell him to do something he doesn't want to do, but he isn't quite in meltdown mode: "You are making me so FRUSTRATED." Why? "Because you're telling me to do things that I don't want to do!"
• Sandwich= Samawich
• This morning he yelled down the hall, "Mom do you want to know what I'm doing?" "Ya, what are you doing?" "I'm praying!" (heart melts) "What are you praying about? What are you saying to God?" "Oh, I'm not praying to God." (heart unmelts) 
• He regularly talks about his sister. He does not have a sister. 

That's all I can think of right now.

Goodbye MN Goodbyes

I love a good MN goodbye. Unless it's outside during the winter, and then I'm just rocking back and forth and inching closer and closer to my car and hoping we just wrap this up or go back inside. But, the rest of the year it's kind of nice. I actually don't mind small talk. I don't mind small talk because I just enjoy talking. My mom and I will regularly call each other and have the same conversations, but it's fun to talk so we just gladly say the same things again. Anyway, MN goodbyes. Now that we've moved most of our social interactions to zoom calls, I've noticed you really can't do a MN goodbye on zoom. Someone just ends the meeting. It always feels too quick. But I bet there are a million introverts who are PUMPED to be able to say goodbye nicely to everyone and click "end meeting" all in 3 seconds.

Fav Office Quotes

I sent my besties this quote from The Office earlier today:

Dwight Schrute:            Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check-in time in now, check-out time is never.

Jim Halpert:     Does my room have cable?

Dwight Schrute:            No. And the sheets are made of fire.

Jim Halpert:     Can I change rooms?

Dwight Schrute:            Sorry we're all booked up. Hell convention in town.

Jim Halpert:     Can I have a late check-out?

Dwight Schrute:            I'll have to talk to the manager.

Jim Halpert:     You're not the manager, even in your own fantasy?

Dwight Schrute:            I'm the owner.. the co-owner. With Satan!

Jim Halpert:     Okay, just so I understand it. In your wildest fantasy, you are in hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil.

Dwight Schrute:            But I haven't told you my salary yet.

Jim Halpert:     Go.

Dwight Schrute:            Eighty thousand dollars.

It’s my favorite quote from the show. The Office quotes always make me happy, so here’s some more of my favorite ones:

Michael: Yes. Thank you, Pam. How about Angela makes the poster into a t-shirt, which Oscar wears. That way, he can never see it and whenever she looks at Oscar, she can see it. Win/win/win.

Michael Scott: The meeting isn't until three, but I always like to come a little early. This is where I do my haunts. Oh, look! [points to a Sbarro's] My favorite New York pizza place. I'm going to go get me a New York slice!

One time, Johanna and I took a pic in front of a Sbarro in NY in honor of this episode

Michael Scott: Well, big deal! I worked in a warehouse. Men's Wearhouse. I was a greeter.

Ryan:   A few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and my cousin, Mufasa, was um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeasts and um, we all took it really hard. All of us kind of in the audience, of what happened.

Michael Scott: Do you wanna talk about it anymore?

Ryan:   Oh it would probably take an hour and half to tell that whole story.

Michael Scott to Toby: I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.

And this whiteboard:

Michael: It’s whoever, not whomever.

Ryan: No, it’s whomever…

Michael: No…whomever is never actually right.

Jim: Well, sometimes it’s right.

Creed: Michael is right. It’s a made-up word used to trick students.

Andy: No. Actually, whomever is the formal version of the word.

Oscar: Obviously, it’s a real word, but I don’t know when to use it correctly.

Michael (to the camera): Not a native speaker.

Kevin: I know what’s right, but I’m not gonna say because you’re all jerks who didn’t come see my band last night.

Ryan: Do you really know which one is correct?

Kevin: I don’t know.

Pam: It’s whom when it’s the object of the sentence and who when it’s the subject.

Phyllis: That sounds right.

Michael: Well, it sounds right, but is it?

Stanley: How did Ryan use it, as an object?

Ryan: As an object…

Kelly: Ryan used me as an object.

Michael Scott: I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!!!!

(later)

Oscar:  Hey, I just wanted you to know, that you can't just say the word bankruptcy and expect anything to happen.

Michael Scott: I didn't say it, I declared it.

Oscar:  Still.. that's.. it's not anything.

Michael: In the future, when I want to say something funny or witty or do an impression, I will no longer ever do any of those things.

Jim: Does that include "that's what she said"?

Michael: Uh, yes.

Jim: Wow, that's really hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling.

Michael: That's what she said!

Michael Scott: Oh, how the turntables

Michael: Toby is in HR. Which, technically, means he works for corporate. So he's really not a part of our family. Also he's divorced. So he's really not a part of his family.

Michael: What are you doing? [“Goodbye My Lover” by James Blunt plays]

Dwight: [putting things into a box] We are getting rid of everything that reminds you of Carol.

Andy: Hey, what’s the haps? [Dwight shuts door in his face.]

Michael: Carol?

Dwight: Oh, look at this. [looks through papers] Your old condo closing papers. It’s riddled with Carol’s name. I wish I could throw this in the box. [Michael hits repeat to “Goodbye My Lover” on computer]

Dwight: Why don’t you just buy the whole song?

Michael: I don’t have to buy it. I just want to taste it. I just… I just want a little taste of it.

Dwight: Oh, look at this, she saved you two thousand dollars ’cause they failed to report a mold problem. [Continues to sift through papers] But wouldn’t that affect the final… How did she? Oh, oh, I see what she did. That is good. Wow. Carol is one smart cookie.

Michael: [singing] Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. [hits repeat again]

Ryan: Kelly.

 Kelly: Oh, hello Ryan. You look well.

 Ryan: I wanted to say I'm sorry... for treating you bad the past couple years. I was in my mid twenties and I was going through a lot of stuff. I think I never fully processed 9/11.

Michael: Pam?

Pam: Yeah?

Michael: Did you see Oprah yesterday?

Pam: No, I didn’t.

Michael: I, uh… I am going to be a father.

Pam: What was Oprah about?

Michael: Angelina Jolie was on. And she adopted a baby from Asia, and she said that it changed her life. And that really inspired me. So, I want you to look into seeing how much a little Chinese baby would cost.

Pam: That’s a really big decision.

Michael: I know.

Pam: Maybe you should wait before you adopt.

Michael: Well…

Pam: Or not adopt.

Michael: Just do it, okay?

Pam: Roy’s sister looked into it, and the application alone costs a thousand dollars.

Michael: Um… find out if there’s a cheaper, less expensive baby out there, okay?

Pam: You know, she also said the waiting list is like eight months.

Michael: Eight months?

Pam: Yeah.

Michael: I don’t even know if I’ll want a baby in eight months

Pam: And I feel God in this Chili's tonight.

There are so many more, but I took too much time trying to read through a million quotes to find my favorite ones. There are  lot of good quotes and I got to relive most of the seasons again. Skipped most of 5 because it's terrible. Then I decided to save some time by just using my brain and looking up the ones I already knew I liked.

What's your fav. office quote?

Ways I'm more like a dog now?

I saw something on FB that said, "and now we all understand why dogs get so excited for walks" in relation to quarantining. I laughed and thought that sounded right. Here's a list of how I'm more like a dog right now:

• The walk thing.
• Today caught myself sitting in our dog's regular spot just looking out the window at trees and stuff.
• Sitting in the sun for hours is the thing bringing me the most joy.
• The desperation for human affection/attention.
• Unexplained joy when I see people walking outside, when we get a packaged delivered, and when the neighbors are outside.
• If I could hug people again, I would definitely jump on you and hug you too long.
• What kind of dinner we might have is a big part of my day.
• Falling asleep several times during the day in different rooms of the house.
• Deeps sighs because of claustrophobia
• Agitation when my sweet three year old is yelling and running six hundred times around the island of the kitchen- which my dog understands deeply.
• I wouldn't mind if you rubbed my head.  

Well, that's all I can think of right now.

Almost Remembering

When Aaron was first born I had the brain thing that most new moms have where you can't remember any words. My brain knew that I knew a word, I'd start talking as if I knew what I was going to say, and then I'd get to a word and it's like an imaginary gate went up in my brain and I couldn't get to it. So, I'd studder a little until I figured it out or picked a new word or just gave up and said, "words are hard right now." I read something once that said that with childbirth, something actually changes in a mom's brain and you can't remember stuff as well (but the ability to find compassion goes up!). It's possible that was satire, but I really don't know, because it feels too acurate. I've never had a great memory, but there's a clear difference with how my brain worked before Aaron was born and after.

It's possible, it's actually just sleep deprivation. My memory gets worse when I'm tired. I think that's true for most people? I barely remember my first summer working at camp because I was working too much and I was too tired. I know I worked there, and I know I liked it, and I have friends because of working there, but I can't tell you much else.

Obviously when Aaron was born, we were only sleeping a couple hours at a time if we were lucky, so I was perpetually in a fog. Since then (and let's be real, probably before then too), I've had full conversations with people and not remembered them. I've also had subsequent arguments with people because I am SURE we didn't talk about the thing they are SURE we did talk about. And I can't really know if they're right or just exploiting my poor memory (also I just spent several minutes trying to remember the word exploit, which is really funny given this post).

Older folks love when I tell them I forget stuff. They always say, "oh, good, you forget stuff too!" It connects us. Also, I never run out of stories to tell. I just tell the same 7 over and over and over again. So, there are positives I guess.

But really, there's a good chance I don't remember stuff because I'm tired. I kind of hoped by the time my kid was three, he'd figure out sleeping all night. He's figured it out for a month or two at a time and then it's like starting over again (we are currently on week 3 of him waking up for like 2 hours every night and I'm getting a lil twitchy). I'm already a bad sleeper, so between him waking up, someone else in my house snoring, our dog waking us up once or twice a night to be scratched, and also I have a bladder, I really haven't sleep well in like 3.5 years.

One day I'm going to sleep. And you all don't even know how cheerful or productive I can be or how many words I actually know or that I do actually have recent memories that I can tell you about. Just you wait.

Grown up nap schedule.

Lately, I've been falling asleep when I tuck Aaron in bed. It's usually only for like 5-10 minutes, but tonight it was 45 and I was holding him in a chair and now I'm groggy and my hands are all tingly. I think the 7pm nap is part of my schedule now. Even if I don't think I'm that tired, I make it through a verse or two of a song and then I sing myself to sleep too. He seems to falls asleep first, or else he's too tired to notice that I stopped singing.

I take a morning nap too. Jesse and I have an arrangement. I get up early with Aaron. I don't really want to get up early with him, but when he wakes up and climbs into bed with us, he usually pinches my arm and lays his cheek on my cheek or drapes his entire body across the bed, covering my whole body... so it's not like I'm sleeping anymore anyway. And some mornings he's wide awake and I turn around and he has a giant, precious and slightly creepy smile (Aaron, not Jesse) and says, "hi, let's get up!" But, our deal is that if I do that, I get to go back to bed after Jesse gets out of the shower. If it's been a rough night, I take a nap before 7, but usually I fall back asleep at 7:30/45 and sleep until 8:15. I'd rather just sleep all night like a regular person, but I'll also take what I can get to be a functioning human being.

Pandemic Parodies

My colleague shared an Adele parody called, "hello from the inside" about being trapped inside because of covid. It was pretty funny and also now Adele will be in my head for the next six months or so. So, I asked the rest of the staff if they were going to write their own pandemic parody, what song would they pick and what would it be called? As a teambuilder. No one responded, so I'm going to come up with my own list, and likely develop a greater respect for Weird Al by the end. Here you go:

1. What's the date again? What's my age again? Blink 182
2. Sweatpants Paradise Gangsta's Paradise, Coolio
3. Oops, I touched my face again Oops I did it again, Britney Spears
4. This one's Jesse's contribution: Livin in my room Livin on the Edge, Aerosmith
5. My Corona(virus) My Sharona, The Knack
6. Every Breath You Take (I'd just keep that one as it is, and I feel like there's a lot to work with there for the verses) Every Breath You Take, The Police
7. Too Close (again, I'd just keep that title, there's a lot to work with there) Too Close, Next
8. (Everything I do) I do it 6 feet from you (Everything I do) I do it for you, Bryan Adams
9. (Stay at) Home please, California Hotel California, The Eagles 
10. Please wash your hands (all you boys and girls) Joy to the World, Three Dog Night
11. I can't hold your hand I want to hold your hand, the Beatles
12. Outta Tissues Scar Tissue, Red Hot Chili Peppers
13. I want that TP I want it that way, Backstreet Boys
14. I don't want to catch this thing I don't want to miss a thing, Aerosmith
15. Where are the gloves Where is the love, Black Eyed Peas

I'll think of more, don't worry.