Vulnerability List

Lots of things make me feel vulnerable, but they might not be the same things as you. Like for example, talking about feelings is fun to me. I think it's really fascinating to figure out why we feel what we feel. It's like being a detective or something. Turns out that's super vulnerable for a lot of people and I (often) accidentally ask too deep of questions because I don't always realize that it's too much for people. But also, don't make me act something out or force me into playing embarassing games or any sports in front of other humans. Because I will feel like I'm dying.

Here's a (not exhaustive) list of things that make me vulnerable (but not too vulnerable to put it in this blog, because I'm not about to uncomfortably overshare, and also I don't have to tell you everything): 

1. So while I am fine to share my feelings with you, do not back me into a corner to make me share stuff, or call me out in a group setting with guesses of my feelings. That's annoying and also it makes me way too vulnerable.
2. Crying in front of people. I'll do it when my body forces me or I'm moved, but generally, I'm going to avoid that like covid. It's too soon to make that into a saying, huh? Ya, it is. 
3. Exercising in public.
4. As stated above, playing sports. Any of them. I don't really know what I'm doing. I can sort of play volleyball because we played like once a month in high school youth group. I especially don't want to play with competitive people because then they're both unimpressed by me and mad that I'm losing for them.
5. Asking people to hang out with me. 
6. Preaching, sometimes. I'm trying to be it more.
7. Being sad instead of mad.
8. Being mad instead of nice.
9. Conversations about social issues or politics. 
10. Singing in front of people. Especially a very small group of people, like 1-2. 
11. Doing artistic/ creative things, but also being creative also gives me the most joy.
12. Having to throw up. Like that one time when I had to throw up off the side of the road in Washington in the very beginning of our best friends weekend trip. But, it was a *fun* way to tell them I was pregnant?  
13. Large group introductions, where you have to stand up and share your name, where you're from, etc.
14. Doing hand motions to camp songs. I WANT TO HIDE. Or a rap-like interlude in a camp song ("ain't no party like a Holy Ghost party," etc.) I'm cringing just thinking about it. 

A lot of these are things that make my life better and richer, so I have to choose to be vulnerable. Some of them don't. Like barfing.