Fishing.

In second grade, our teacher had us all enter a coloring contest. I think the picture was of the Easter bunny. I remember sitting at a table with my friends and we were all coloring our pictures, and several of us started to criticize our pictures: "I don't know, I don't think I colored this very well," "See, I got out of the lines over here," "Your picture is wayyyy better than my picture," etc. (we probably weren't quite so articulate in second grade, but just go with it). All of us would say really encouraging things back: "What are you talking about? I love your picture," "yours is really good!"

And I remember realizing at the time that we weren't really criticizing our pictures, we were actually just fishing for compliments. Well, I think probably someone perceptive in the group noticed and called us all out, but nonetheless, it was memorable.

Since then, I've noticed when I think people are fishing for something. I think the most common fishing from people I meet is through self deprication that I'm supposed to disagree with or the "I wish someone would just do this thing... and I'm secretly/not-so-secretly hinting it should be you."

I know that I do this sometimes, not always consciously, but still, I know do it. And even though I do this sometimes, it doesn't stop me from being suppperrr annoyed when other people are fishing for something from me.

Here's how I deal:

1. Pretend I don't notice at all.

I had a friend once who would fish for me to share things with her. I remember I had a piece of chocolate cake, and she saw it and kept saying, "I wish I had some chocolate cake." I could tell she was just hoping I'd say, "oh, that's perfect, because I have some chocolate cake right here, would you like some?" and I was not about to say that. There's a good chance if I have chocolate cake, I don't really want to share it with you, but I might if you ask (nicely). But if you hint and fish around for me to offer you a thing that I don't even really want to share, you'll be waiting for a while.

2. Give in and give a compliment.

When I think someone is fishing for a compliment, I'm a little annoyed, but also, I think maybe they're feeling a little insecure about whatever the thing is, and so I'd rather cheer them up and reasure them, than have them feel bad.

I thought maybe there were more things that I was going to put on this list, that's why I put them in a numbered list, but I think this is pretty much it.