40 pics

I don't know why I did this, but at the beginning of the year I thought it would be fun to see if I could find my favorite picture from each year of the last decade. I couldn't pick one, so it turned into four each year. I never did anything with them, so I'll put them here so that it seems like I wasted less time doing that. I still wasted time, but now it's less.

2010:

2011:

2012:

2013:

2014:

2015:

2016:

2017:

2018:

2019:

Grief in Your Body

One time I went to yoga and did a pigeon pose (it's hard to describe, so just google it). It stretches your hips. Once I started the stretch, I started crying. But not because it hurt. Because it reminded me of grief. It's happened to me a few other times. Now that I do yoga once a weekish, it doesn't happen as often. I told my sis who teaches yoga and she said that feelings can live in your body. She probably described it better than that. Stretching your hips in particular can pull up feelings that you've stuffed away and don't want to deal with.

I think it's pretty cool. If you need a good cry, try the pigeon pose you just google searched.

I have a weird soapbox: you have to acknowledge your pain/uncomfortable feelings/grief, because if you don't, it waits for you (and usually comes out sideways), and also it's the only way you can find healing. I'm sure it's my soapbox because I'm terrible at it. I acknowledge my grief for like a minute and then move on.

I have grief for lots of things:
Moving away from home.
Leaving congregations and people that I love.
Needing to make new friends and start life over how many times.
Friendships and relationships that have changed.
Loss of house/home.
When life doesn't look the way I expected it to.
Death of friends, and family members, but especially my best friend when I was in high school.

Sometimes I don't even notice that I'm wearing the grief until someone mentions it and it's like someone put their finger in giant cut, expect like it's not a cut, it's my soul [said with as much dramatic affect as possible to make it sound sarcastic, even though it isn't really that sarcastic].

Here's an example that's present for me this week. Matt died just about 18 years ago. He got in his accident in March, and died early April. Every year, I start to get agitated/anxious/snappy/sad and I don't know why. Sometimes it's just a couple random days during the month, and sometimes it's a few weeks. Sometimes it takes me a while to realize it's grief. That my body remembers and reacts before my brain does. I think that's really cool actually. Like my body won't let me get away without spending some time with the grief.

Also, when I do give it some time, I'm always grateful. It's cathartic and healing, and honors what was lost with gratitude and the sadness it deserves.

I used the 10% of seriousness from the other weeks that I was 100% not serious.   

David Real

One time when I was 10, I was in love with David Real. We were in Mrs. Sedey's 5th grade class. The week of Valentine's Day two of my friends walked up (and he was closely behind them) and they said, "Do you like David?" and I got very embarrassed and said, "No, I don't like David!" "Well, he like likes YOU. Do you want to be his girlfriend?" "No, I don't like like him." But I really really did.

On Valentine's Day, I gave him the best card in the Valentines Day card pack and then I put TWO heart stickers on it. Everyone else only got one or no stickers. I was sure this was the obvious gesture he needed in order to convey that I had lied and that I really DID like him. Then for like a month I hid tiny ripped up pieces of paper in his desk that said, "Do you like me, check yes or no." I don't know if I put my name on them or not. He never gave the papers back.

Months later I heard he had a framed picture in his house of another girl in our class named Dana. I liked Dana, but I liked her less after that.

When I was pining after David Real, I would take sidewalk chalk and write, "I <3 David Real" all over the backyard patio, and one time I wrote him a letter but I never mailed it because he moved to Mexico and I didn't have his address.

It's hard to know why it didn't work out for us. 

The Awkwardest Years

I had a few conversations about middle schoolers using social media today. It made me remember how scared I am for when my kid is a preteen and for whatever tech will exist that will likely have lasting impacts on his emotional/social/physical development/safety/etc. It also made me remember how glad I am that social media didn’t exist when I was in middle school or high school BECAUSE WHAT KINDS OF THINGS WOULD I HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT and also because kids can be mean.

Here’s what I imagine:

Status updates like:

• Watching TRL #torn #natalieimbrugliaisnumber1
• 10 CDs for only a dollar! Signing up nowwww
• I wish I had a boyfriend… (the ellipsis is key)
• Hey Stephanie, I’m cold. Do you want my jacket? No. (and other inside jokes that only 3 people would know about)
• Come to [church or youth group event/choir or dance concert/my house] right now! (with a picture of how much fun we’re having)
• Stephanie, Rachel, Tracy, and Kyle are my BFFFFFFFFFFFFs. I love them so much. 
• Lean on me, when you’re not strong. (and other inspirational song quotes)
• Bored!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Chemistry sux.
• Just bought a new pack of Warheads, who wants one?
• [Moody quote indirectly and yet very obviously about being upset with one of my friends for leaving me out]
• Dad's air guitaring again. #dishessongs #morethanafeeling
• TACO BELL TONIGHT
• John 3:16

Pictures like this:

(But also, these are on facebook. It took me 4 seconds to find them.)

So, I just channeled my inner middle school/ high school student, who was really innocent. I doubt I would have been as innocent if I had all the social medias then. 

Very Specific Pet Peeves

Here's a few very specific pet peeves that I have:

• When people bring their cell phones in yoga class.
• When people bring their iced coffees in yoga class.                                                              (These are usually the same people.)
• When people take more than one paper towel to dry off their hands in the bathroom. I used to be one of you. But, then I tried only using one and my hands are equally dry. I promise you only need one. Try it. You don't need 2. You definitely don't need 7.
• When people say, "welcome to [insert new difficult situation you're in that they have already experienced]" instead of choosing empathy.
• Being asked if I'm a teenager. Then being told I'll like that question when I'm older when I don't thank them for asking.

(I sound saltier than I feel. It would be okay if I felt as salty as I sound though. But, I don't.) 

 

fav songs for all the years

Here's a list of my fav songs (I'm guessing) since my birth:

1986: Twinkle Twinkle
1987: Old McDonald
1988: ABCs
1989: I wanna be like you (Jungle Book)
1990: That one song from The Little Mermaid where Ursula is stealing Ariel's voice.
1991: Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer (Gene Autry)
1992: Born in the USA (Bruce Springsteen)
1993: Yakety Yak (The Coasters)
1994: Don't Go Chasin' Waterfalls (TLC)
1995: Gangsta's Paradise (Coolio)
1996: Always Be My Baby (Mariah Carey)
1997: My Heart Will Go On (Celine Dion)
1998: Truly, Madly, Deeply (Savage Garden) (bahahahahaaaaaa, it helps if you remember I was 12)
1999: I Want It That Way (Backstreet Boys)
2000: Arms Wide Open (Creed)
2001: Hanging By A Moment (Lifehouse)
2002: Be Like That (3 Doors Down)
2003: Sweetness (Jimmy Eat World)
2004: Lean On Me (Bill Withers) and More Than a Feeling (Boston)
2005: Feels Like Today (Rascal Flatts)
2006: The Thunder Rolls (Garth Brooks) or Where is Your Boy Tonight (Fall Out Boy)
2007: Stay (Little Big Town) or Ain't Going Down (Garth Brooks) because I learned a line dance
2008: Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen)
2009: Bring Me Your Love (City and Colour)
2010: When You Come Back Down (Nickel Creek)
2011: Don't Need No (Punch Brothers) and A Place Only You Can Go (NEEDTOBREATHE)
2012: Inspite of Ourselves (John Prine & Iris DeMent), because we awkwardly put this in our wedding slideshow and made everyone uncomfortable.
2013: I Am Set Free (All Sons and Daughters), actually all of their songs for this whole year
2014: No Diggity (Blackstreet). Probably not my fav for 2014, but I couldn't think of anything else and it seemed wrong to not include it.
2015: The Heart (NEEDTOBREATHE)
2016: Can't Stop the Feeling (Justin Timberlake)- I don't know if it was actually my favorite, but it makes me happy and Aaron would move in my belly when it came on the radio.
2017: Aaron was born, so we pretty much exclusively listened to Raffi on Pandora... so my favorite song was silence.
2018: I don't really remember, but I was pretty into Shallow for a minute (Lady Gaga/ Bradley Cooper)
2019: State I'm In and Stay Home Tonight, both acoustic version (both NEEDTOBREATHE)
2020: So far, I'd say it's Show Yourself from the Frozen 2 Soundtrack (Idina Menzel) I am not kidding.

A waterbed, and other wishes from my childhood.

Here's a few things that I wanted as a kid but I was never about to get:

1. A waterbed. What '80s kid didn't want a waterbed?
2. A treehouse. I still want one. I don't still want a waterbed.
3. Two-story play house. I very specifically wanted it to be two stories.
4. And also a two-story house, to live in, with my family. Two story houses were for the ELITE. I thought.
5.  A flying bunkbed. I got in my head when I was 7ish that a flying bunkbed was something that I could have. I called my grandpa and asked him if he could build me a bunkbed, because I wanted to have a flying bunkbed. He said, "but Kelli, you know beds don't fly?" and I said, "Grandpa, if you could just make the bunkbed, I'll work on making it fly." I was dead serious. He didn't make me the bunkbed though, for obvious reasons to people older than 7.
6. Just a regular bunkbed. Although, I DID finally get one of those in college. And then I didn't want it anymore.
(Why is this list only about houses and beds?)

How much money would you pay to eat food you're allergic to and not have a reaction?

My friend Dave asked me this question the other day (the months ago kind of other day) and I said I'd probably pay $200 per month to be able to have all the dairy I want without a terrible stomachache. I usually describe my relationship to cheese as an unrequited love. I love it, it doesn't love me back. If I were able to have all the dairy I'd want for $200 a month, I'd also have to budget about $50 a month for new pants? I would obviously want to eat as much dairy as possible in order to get $200 worth, but also dairy isn't like slimming. Pizza, ice cream, nachos, quesadillas, real butter aren't exactly at the bottom of the food pyramid (although all the carbs are, so probably just throw that example out) and those are definitely the foods that I would eat. I'd also have to budget more for groceries to cover the costs for 3 people to consume dairy products in our house, instead of just 2. Jesse was in earshot of this conversation and he was very offended at the idea. He was not offended at me paying $200 to consume dairy products, he was offended at the idea that I would ALSO be consuming dairy products in our home. He would need to scoop ice cream into a bowl, instead of directly from the carton, and that was just TOO MUCH to consider in this very hypothetic scenario. And also, pizza. We have a good system worked out with pizza.

I wouldn't pay more than $10 a month for eggs. They're okay. Not the best. I can live without them. If I were going out to breakfast, maybe I'd pay a one time charge to have an omelette or something. I've never even had an omelette because I learned about them after I learned I was allergic. They look good. I'd eat one. I'd pay some money to eat one. I would not pay for a day long stomach ache for one though. That's too much.

How much money would YOU pay?

Ornavors and Winter Air Con Mighty

We listen to the Frozen soundtrack just about every day. When we aren't listening to the Frozen soundtrack, we are listening to the Frozen TWO soundtrack (and also, occasionally the Moana one). Aaron's fav song is "Frozen Heart"- it's the intro song when all the men are cutting ice blocks. Jesse made him a pretend ax (obviously it's pretend) out of two small pieces of wood so that he (Aaron) (also obviously) can pretend to chop stuff to the beat of the song, just like those "cutting guys."

He also has no idea what some of the words of the song are.

I'll pair his version next to the actual version, because it makes me so happy:

Aaron's           

Ornavors and Winter Air Con Mighty

Actual

Born of cold and winter air

And mountain rain combining

Aaron's

This icy force bof foul and fair

frozen heart co-mighty

Actual

This icy force both foul and fair

Has a frozen heart worth mining

skipping a bit....

Aaron's

Beautiful! Powerful! Dangerous! Ho! (DO NOT TELL HIM THIS WORD IS ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE COLD. IT IS NOT. IT IS HO. HE IS SURE.)

Actual

Beautiful! Powerful! Dangerous! Cold! 

Aaron's

Ice has a magic, (mumbling) controlled

Stronger than Sven.

Stronger than a hundred men! Cut!

Actual

Ice has a magic, can't be controlled

Stronger than one, stronger than ten

Stronger than a hundred men! Ho!

It's really not that far off, but the Sven part kills me. And also, ornavors. I tried to correct him on the con- mighty parts but he just said he didn't know what mining was, so he'll just say mighty instead. Fair enough, kid.

well, hey.

I thought I wasn't going to do this blog again and I also thought I wasn't going to do this blog last year or the year before. I keep thinking of random things that I could write about and I figure that's a sign. It's a sign that I should do this blog or a sign that I have a lot of random thoughts in my head. Either way, this Lenten blog makes me watch less tv and mindlessly scroll the internet a lot less, which are always goals for me. I also like the creativity and that some people read this, so I have to practice being vulnerable, and that's good (I still have no intentions to improve my grammar).

Here are some potential titles of posts:

1. Insomnia Articles
2. A Bottle of Care
3. Moody Fall Out Boy Away Messages
4. Fav Songs For All The Years
5. Don't Go, Jason Waterfall.
6. Ornavors and Winter Air Con Mighty
7. Words I've Used Wrong
8. Very Specific Pet Peeves
9. David Real
10. Anger & Sadness
11. New Planner
12. Sleep Number
13. Narcissm Test
14. How much money would you pay to eat food you're allergic to and not have a reaction?
15. Vulnerability List
16. Listening
17. I DO care what you think.
18. Almost Remembering
19. Only Talk to Me
20. Deep Thoughts About Frozen 1
21. Deep Thoughts About Frozen 2
22. Milky Pens & Middle School Trends
23. Grandma's Song
24. When I was Left Eye
25. I've Already Had All The Colds That Exist
26. Celebrities I've Seen
27. Face Twitch
28. Unlimited Whys
29. 5 Mins in My Brain
30. I Thought of This New Funny Idea Again
31. Bible Jokes/ One time I used to be actually funny
32. Storytelling & Music
33. Things I Love About My Church
34. Songs I Hate
35. A waterbed, and other wishes from my childhood.
36. If you were a chip, what chip would you be? and other get to know you questions that I'm about to make up.
37. Short Story
38. Lyrics
39. Who was mean first?
40. Key Changes in Disney Songs