Always missing hundreds of people.

One of the best and worst things about my life is that I will always be missing people. 

It's the best, because it means I have people to miss. I'm only 30, but I've been fortunate enough to know thousands of people. That seems like it shouldn't be true, but I really think it is. Here's how I think I've met you all:

you're a part of my family

you've married into my family

I married into your family

I went to elementary, middle, one of two different high schools, college, or seminary with you

we worked together at Jamba Juice, the chapel office at CLU, the Student Union Building, Dahme Heating and Air Conditioning, or BJ's Restaurant.

We met because I was working at the Student Union Building and I never wore my glasses and waved at you thinking you were someone else, but we just went with it and now we're friends.

We worked at camp together- Little Oaks, Sugar Creek, Luther Dell, or Lutherdale

Or we WENT to camp together at Flathead or El Camino Pines

OR we BROUGHT kids to camp at Christikon or Wapo 

We grew up at Ascension together

I was your youth minister at Bethlehem and Living Waters

I was friends with one of your friends and they're a good introducer (aka their name is Madison Hartstein or Heather Carufel)

We were in student government together

I was/am your pastor at Our Saviour's and Bethel

We went on a trip together- like a mission trip or a choir tour 

You're one of our fun neighbors

You're a Lutheran, sometimes that's enough.

You're one of my sisters' bffs

You're one of my bffs' siblings or spouses

We lived in a dorm together

We're in The Young Clergy Women Project together 

The ELCA Youth Ministry Network and all the youth ministry things

Youth Ministry Extravaganza <3

We went on a retreat together, like ITS

I was in a small group with you, like BAKLASH and the Hastings girls group

You live in or near Thousand Oaks, Saint Paul, Minneapolis, Prescott, or Elkhorn 

More places probably! (Also, that was a really fun list to make.) The thing is, I've had a lot of opportunities to meet people, and I've been blessed enough for a lot of those people to matter a lot to me. People I like and love live all over the country, and even in different countries. No matter where I live, I will always miss people and feel a little like I'm missing out on something. But also, I'm really grateful for people to love and miss.  

 

Cruisin around T.O.

Abbreviations Key
TO: Thousand Oaks, CA; where I grew up and where 98% of my family lives
BH: Bohemian Rhapsody; probs Queen's best song of all (although Bicycle is pretty good and so is You're My Best Friend and so are most of the songs on their greatest hits albums); also there was almost no reason to abbreviate this other than I had a few other abbreviations to put in this list, and it's a bit of a long song name.
BSB: Backstreet Boys; THE boy band of my teenage years (alongside Nsync).
BFF: Best Friends Forever; you knew that though
CD: Compact Disc; contains songs for playing in CD player or sweet boom box; started becoming popular around the time that Titanic came out, because my first CD was Celine Dion with "My Heart Will Go On" on it.
LOL: Laugh out loud; there was no other reason to include this than to be instructive to my family who sometimes thinks this means "lots of love"... it doesn't.
JK: Just kidding (and also, mine and Jesse's first letter of our first names put next to each other, which is very special for me). I'm getting more excited about this abbreviations key than what I plan to write about. Actually it's going to be more work to weave in some of these abbreviations that really have no purpose in the rest of this.


Probably every year we could drive, me and my BFFs would cruise around TO listening to all the jams. Because why wouldn't we do that? The most memorable year was the summer before I moved to the midwest (I THINK this is when it was, if it wasn't it was a year or two before that?). BSB's newest album came out- the one with "Incomplete" on it. It's a pretty fun power ballad with a lot of build to the chorus (and maybe a key change in there somewhere) which really makes you want to belt it. We also had a CD with BH on it and we were pretty proud that we knew all of the words to it, so naturally that was also a perfect belting it song too.

We would get in my Hyndai or Stephanie's Accord (was it an Accord? I don't remember. It was a tan-ish gray compact car), or Rachel's white truck, roll down all the windows, blast Incomplete or BH, sing as loudly as we could, and make eye contact with no one, or everyone. We'd drive up and down TO Blvd and Moorpark Road, which are obviously the most important streets to go down. Sometimes we'd drive to the beach and hang out for a few minutes. We were the coolest people. ARE. Are the coolest people. JK. LOL. I miss my BFFs. And my Hyundai. And BSB.

I love museums.

I really do. I always have.

I think I love museums so much for two reasons:

The first reason is because when we were little, we would stop at all the museums on our family road trips. Going to a museum meant we weren't in the car, there'd be an opportunity to eat a snack and look at the gift shop, and we could look at cool stuff. But mostly, I associate museums with excitement of vacation.

The other better reason I like museums is because looking at things that have seen a time that I can never see is really cool. I like to be able to touch a part of history (or look at it behind glass)- it connects me somehow to another time. I try to imagine who would have used that decorative bowl, what they would have looked like, what kind of life they had, etc. I think old things hold memories, even if they aren't mine.

But also if they are mine. I was just talking to Jesse about this a couple days ago. I really have a hard time getting rid of my things (even it's something that's been stored in a box for months or years), if there is a good memory attached to them. I don't have the best memory on my own, so holding on to my old stuff helps me remember and feel connected to those happy moments (plus I'm pretty nostalgic in general). I don't like to get to rid of things because I don't want to get rid of my memories.

The Shopper Advertiser

Well, when you don't have a big social life, you look forward to little things more than other people might. For example:

New episodes of "This is Us"
Pizza night
Enchilada night
Tiny House Hunters
Sleeping a little extra on Saturday mornings
A Costco or Trader Joe's trip
Friday afternoon date from 4-6
Going for a walk

AND, the bi-weekly Shopper Advertiser coming in the mail (also did you know that bi-weekly means both twice a week and every two weeks... that's super confusing. I mean the twice a week bi-weekly). Getting the ads in the mail is one of the most exciting things that happens every week. Every Wednesday and Saturday night we get a newspaper with little heartbreaking news and almost exclusively community events, coupons, ads for restaurants and fun places to explore, a recipe, and the classifieds. And because we live in a small town, there are fun small town like things happening. Here are some highlights from this week:

All the best Friday night fish frys in town!

This company that buys pens? And an excellent pun for a shoe sale.

We have cute things like community egg hunts at the PIGGLY WIGGLY.

And seriously, I want to go to this.

And this grumpy note about free kittens that makes it in the paper every week. AND, a missing blind peacock?!

 Do you why I get extra excited when the Shopper comes?

And I keep on trying.

Sometimes just when I need it, the right song will pop in my head and give me good advice. Usually it's a hymn or a camp song. One time my sermon was not coming together and I was super nervous and I had to give it in like a half hour, and just then a song that I learned in junior high Sunday school (or as Erik Berg would call it: "Sunday's cool") popped in my head. It was "Be Bold". It goes like this: "be bold, be strong, for the Lord thy God is with thee." There are some additional hand motions and made up words like "sha na na na na na" but that part of the song luckily hadn't popped in my head. The part that did helped me take a deep breath and remember that God was there, and God would give me the words.

Usually it's a hymn or a camp song, but sometimes it's also a country song. There's this song by Trace Atkins that pops in my head when I'm not quite feeling adequate called, "I'm tryin". The part that I need to remember is this part: "But all I can do is all I can do, and I keep on trying. And all I can be is all I can be, and I keep on trying." It reminds me that we're all doing the best we can, and I should beating myself up about whatever thing I'm beating myself up about.

In case you're having a beating yourself up day, try taking some advice from Trace Adkins. Or maybe your own advice song will pop into your head. :-)

Oh, you don't practice imaginary interviews in the car too?

I'm an out loud thinker and an extrovert. I get sleepy and bored with too much alone time and that's not a good combo for driving. So, when I drive I try to be talking for most of it.

Here's what I might do:
1. Call friends or family
2. Plan/practice my sermon
3. Imagine and practice a sermon I might give one day
4. Practice an important conversation I need to have
5. Sometimes I'll be imagining something so intensely. I'll catch myself talking as if I were there
6. Practice interview questions for future interviews one day
7. If Aaron's in the car and sad, I'll just say any combination of words so he'll stop crying
8. Out loud prayer time.
9. Sing so many songs.
10. If I want to pray but I don't have any words, I'll sing "Lord, listen to your children praying" or "oh Lord, hear my prayer" on repeat for most of the drive.

Some of these might seem kind of weird to you, but here are the benefits for me:
1. I don't fall asleep at the wheel
2. I get most of my sermon done on the way to the office
3. Catch up with friends and fam
4. Exercise my very healthy imagination
5. I'd say praying more is a benefit
6. Same with singing
7. I'm always prepared for an interview?

Don't say no for me.

Before we had Aaron, I would think about hanging out with our friends with kids and then not ask them because I knew they were busy with their kids. I always assumed they were busy and couldn't do a last minute thing and so I said no for them. And now I wish I hadn't.

This might change one day, but for now, I don't want people to say no for me. Having a baby doesn't mean you don't want to have friends anymore. Life IS really busy/tiring with this little kiddo and it's quite possible I can't do that thing you just invited me to, so you know, let me say no too... but just don't say it for me.  

If I could eat all the snacks.

If I had an unlimited amount of stomachs and an unlimited amount of snacks to put in the stomachs, and I also never got stomach aches, these are the foods I would keep eating for hours:

cheddar Ritz chips. I've bought about 10 bags in the last month.
chips and guacamole
Sweet Martha cookies
cottage cheese
sour cream and onion Lays
Reese's minis
Totinos pizza rolls
pepperonis right out of the package
peanut butter on ritz
seasoned fries with ranch
spinach artichoke dip
those deep fried buffalo tofu bites from Freehouse
nachos, this should actually be at the top of the list
cake pops
shredded cheese
chips and salsa from a good Mexican restaurant
avocado egg rolls
dark chocolate covered pretzels
hummus and pita from 331
Belvita peanut butter sandwich cracker/cookies
puppy chow with candy in it
popcorn tins, but mostly just the cheese third
jalapeno poppers- I've actually never tried one, but I know I would love them if I could eat them
cheese curds, regular, not deep fried
onion rings, but not too greasy

I do like snacks.

Is Netflix a hobby?

I hope so. Because I act like it is.

Actually I used to not like it when people asked me about my hobbies and I'm not sure I like it now either. Mostly because I'm not sure I really have them. During Lent, I'm a writer. Haha. The rest of the time, I want to answer "singing and dancing" because those were some of my favorite things...but I haven't taken a dance class in 13 years and I sing plenty, but not really like a hobby. Singing at church or around the house and car aren't hobbies. I like spending time with friends and family, but I'm sure they wouldn't like to be called my hobby. I also like to go for walks- that might be the closest thing I have to a real hobby?

A few other close ones:
I buy craft supplies and consider making crafts?
Mindlessly scroll on Facebook.
Mindfully scrolling on Facebook.
Secretly taking quizzes on Facebook.
Writing blogs about how I hate Facebook. I added this for the sake of rhetoric and to point out my hypocrisy.
Really neatly calendaring things in my planner with nice pens.
Staring out the window and thinking about things.
Practicing sermons I might give one day.
Reading the weekly Shopper ads and local events.
Considering going to a local event, only to realize it happened the day before.

One day I'll get some real hobbies.

April Fool's

I used to love April Fool's Day as a kid. I would come up with the best prank that I could think of, which was to tell everyone as seriously as I could that there was a spider on their head and then yell, "April Fool's" immediately afterward. I'm not the best at pranks. It's hard to be clever like that. And also I have an insane amount of guilt, so if ever I trick someone, I just confess right away, and that seems to make it less fun.

One April Fool's in college, I tried to prank call my friend Kyle. It was when ebaumsworld was pretty cool, and there was a prank call feature. It had a bunch of links you could click on with the audio of famous movie quotes. I had a plan to click on them and try to keep a conversation going with him, and he would NEVER KNOW IT WAS ME. Except, I forgot to do the thing where you block the caller ID (*67?), and he answered, "Oh hey Kelli". My plan was ruined. I think I hung up on him and tried again, this time blocking the caller ID. But, honestly, I probably confessed immediately after.

Another year, I was living with my friend Heather. For some reason I had thought off and on that day about telling her that I had accidentally hit her car when I was pulling out of the driveway as a funny April Fool's joke (with both of these examples, I am only confirming that I'm not very good at this). Only, before I could trick her, I accidentally hit her car when I was pulling out of the driveway. It wasn't too bad, but I had to go back inside, tell her that it wasn't an April Fool's joke but was supposed to be, and that I did in fact hit her car, and there's a little nick on her Intrepid.

Happy April Fool's Day.